Tag Archives: black hills

Half full: The glass, Pt 2

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I am thankful for the support we have gotten in the last few days–and I appreciate your indulging me in a few moments to bitch and moan about my anxieties of being alone. Today was my first day of climbing alone, waking up alone, eating alone, going food shopping alone and the like. I had the opportunity to do a phone interview with John from DiabetesCare.net and when my phone ran out minutes halfway through…my usual go-to plan of poaching Stefs phone was sadly inoperable!

But last night as I dropped Stef at the gate and realized that I am not ready for her to go, I decided that the only way to avoid de-railing and becoming lethargic  and distracted is to choose to focus on the positives in this situation. Like everything I have been ranting about on here for so long, it’s a choice how to deal with any challenge, nothing more nothing less–only the name of the challenge changes. Diabetes. Loneliness. Fear. Laziness. Take your pick, suck it up and get after it! 

I have spent the last 3 days (when not climbing, sleeping or eating) editing video. My main task was to promote our grant application for the Diabetes Hands Foundation (more on that in the next week) but when I submitted my first video it was rejected due to product placement in some of the climbing shots. Initially I was pretty crushed since I had put a lot of time and effort into that (in addition to climbing and shooting more video)…but I decided to suck it up and just make a separate video for the blog out of the stuff that we couldn’t include in the proposal video–and I think you will enjoy it when it’s released! It turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

But today I decided to take a break from bouldering and dry-tooling on the retaining wall here at my sister-in-laws gated development and take a “longer” climb up to the top of Mission Gorge and test out the new GoPro Cameras. I decided to do my usual circuit, 3rd class up to the top of the gorge where a beautiful 30ft hand crack splits a prominent rock formation overlooking the valley, the bay and the setting sun. I ran a few laps unroped on this crack-the best 30 feet of climbing that Mission Gorge has (in my opinion) and felt pretty good. It really started to sink in that climbing by myself is potentially going to be a regular feature now, rather than an occasional diversion.

I began to get excited. What comes next? Right now there are a lot more questions than answers–I just know that there are a lot of possibilities and they are all really amazing! I have never been stronger, and my favorite destinations are coming up as well as a few places that I have dreamed about since I first began climbing. I have no excuses, no comforts holding me back. I’ve always wondered what I could accomplish as a climber if I totally went for it and now I have that opportunity.

As I walked back down to my car for the drive back to my sister in law’s place tonight, I realized that it has been 119 days and I am TOTALLY PSYCHED to be climbing. It’s not getting boring. It’s not getting stale. It’s getting better! Yosemite. Mt Ranier. Mt Shasta. Squamish. Smith Rock. Bugaboos. Devil’s Tower. What’s not to love? There’s just so much out there…

Lastly I want to thank those of you who have been reaching out and supporting us–it’s so awesome to get comments on the blog–like ones from real people, not Viagra offers from Russian pharmaceutical outfits. We have also gotten some contributions to the project recently too and those have been most appreciated. You all are amazing!

Now I just have to figure out what comes next. Lots of possible steps, but I have to be careful to think this through to get the most out of it…

Half empty: the glass, pt1

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I’ve known that this day would come for several months. I put it off–out of sight, out of mind. Ish. Now I am sitting here trying to figure out how I feel about Stef leaving with less than 12 hours until she is off and I am…well…still here. Like most things in life, this isn’t going to fit in a nice little cookie cutter explanation template. So to hell with simplicity and brevity! Let’s roll up our sleeves and get to it!

I am really happy about this job that Stef got. This didn’t come about from some mutual disillusionment or  a sudden realization on our part that the easiest path to matrimonial bliss may not lie in the heart of the wilderness or several pitches up El Capitan. Project 365 isn’t our first rodeo (as those of you who know us well are aware) and we have spent many many months living out of minimalist vehicles, eating one pot meals off of single burner stoves. We’ve gotten rained on in tents, infiltrated by rodents, dug our share of catholes and had all our clothing and gear stolen by meth-heads.

When we headed out to San Diego in 2011 we had already faced all of the challenges of living on the road–except one. The challenge of being apart. This is one frontier that we have not conquered in six years since we first met. Last summer was the first time we had been apart when I traveled out west with another partner, Trevor, to shoot some footage for the Project 365 trailer and Stef stayed behind to hold down the fort.

That was a tough month for me–but I knew that I would be able to come back home and life would go back to normal. Commitment has been a key part of this project and leaving our home behind was a big step–leaving and knowing that whatever happened, we didn’t have anywhere to come back to. It simplified things in a somewhat harsh manner. Now this commitment level is being increased as my most personal attachment, my best friend will be thousands of miles away.

Spending significant periods of time alone really messes with your head. I don’t mean a weekend alone in front of the TV. I mean weeks away from a semblance of civilized life where you forget what conversation feels like or when you last even spoke. I’ve been there before, but always with the expectation of an “end point” or some return to normalcy. Now this end point has been moved forward indefinitely and that is something I have to figure out. I have always been a neurotic, OCD head case, but having someone else to bounce ideas off of, to share the load, to balance me out…to calm me down…helped.

I know that this is all part of “the experience”. I know that being pushed is the basis of this project. I know that this job (of Stef’s) is a good decision and I know I will accomplish things in the next few months that will change our life forever. I also know that I don’t live my life in months, even though these blogs and videos may be deceptive in that regard. What may look magnificent measured in months is often a compilation of many desperate minutes. This is life, this is happening–ready or not.

To clarify, I am not at the end of my rope. I am not unsure if this change is necessary or will ultimately be beneficial. I’m facing a massive deconstruction of every last source of normalcy in my life  (with the exception of my blood sugar, that has actually been cooperative…) and at this point, I can honestly say that I have no idea how I am going to make this work. Uncertain outcome? Check. You wanted adventure, well that about sums it up.

I want all of our readers know that their support, their ability to see and remind us of the big picture that we are all working to create–that is the light at the end of the tunnel and we are both very very thankful for you all.

And Now for Something Completely Different…

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Hi everyone, Stefanie here.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a blog, huh? As I said in my last post back in December, I’m not much of a writer as I prefer to document my life in photos and have never been very good with words. However, as we approach the 5th month of Project 365 there’s going to be a very relevant shift in my role and I felt it was best for me to personally announce this and explain why it is happening.

Since day 1 it has been our goal to be as transparent as possible in regards to where any contributions are going and what we are working with money-wise.

From our Indiegogo campaign we raised $7, 485. After subtracting the fees from Indiegogo and Paypal  we ended up with about $5,500. Since we’ve had so much equipment graciously donated to us, cameras, tents, ropes, solar gear etc, we’ve been very careful to only use the contributed funds to things directly related to Project 365. What does that include? Gas, food, camera accessories (filters caps, tripod mounts etc), 2 pairs of discounted shoes from FiveTen, and a couple of dromedaries to keep us hydrated.

What doesn’t that include? Any of our personal expenses that existed before the project started: cell phones, student loans, car insurance, credit card debit.

Before we left New York in December we both agreed that our priorities for the Project were as follows:

  1. Stephen is going to climb everyday for 365 days no matter what, even if the only person paying attention on day 360 is his belayer.
  2. We would document as much of the Project as we could with whatever help and resources we had available.
  3. We weren’t going to neglect personal financial responsibility in order for the project to be completed as we originally, idealistically envisioned it.

So how are we paying for our personal expenses?  From our personal savings and from the sale of most of our “non-outdoor gear” and clothing before we began the project in the fall of 2011. However, my  personal resources are dwindling and I am at an impasse as to how to address my financial responsibilities.

This leads me to the point of this post. Before leaving for the trip I was able to save up a decent amount of money. However it wasn’t enough to get me through the year but it was enough to get us started on the project and we both decided that we would cross that bridge when we came to it.

I stepped up to that bridge in March. Just as I started thinking that I only had enough money to see me into the first part of the summer, I was offered a job. This job literally came out of nowhere, in response to  a long forgotten resume, posted to a hiring website well before Project 365 even existed as an idea.

I was timid about accepting the offer even though it would save me from defaulting on my bills. How would it affect the Project? What will supporters think? Will it look like I’m abandoning our goal? Honestly, I had many sleepless nights thinking about everything and many hours were spent discussing pros and cons, first as a married couple and then as climbing partners.

And then we got to Zion.

This last month has been one of the best months for Stephen as a climber. He did his first big-wall aid climb, he sent his hardest sport climb to date, and has improved on desert cracks beyond where he has ever been. He did all of this climbing with people that weren’t me. People that would push him past his comfort zone, and make him climb harder than he ever has.  For me this was an affirmation of what I needed to do.

I’ve always known that Stephen and I are on very different levels physically and mentally when it comes to climbing and I’ve always felt as though I hold him back from his full potential and vice versa. I’ve become a comfortable top rope climber, I rarely get on the sharp end and never really test myself as I’ve become comfortable with always allowing Stephen to take the lead. We have different goals in climbing and that’s ok on a personal level–but for him to really break through as a stronger climber, our match-up isn’t ideal.

Therefore our amazing time in Zion has lead us to decide that I will take the job that has been offered to me. So what does that mean for the remainder of Project 365?  Honestly, the only one that will notice my absence on a daily basis will be Stephen.  Being in constant access of interent I’ll now be able to keep the social media part of it more up to date and it will also allow me to start really pushing the Project to larger media outlets, which has not been easy to do working out of  Toyota Tercel with inconsistent internet access. I’ll be away for a few weeks starting on May 15 and then I’ll be joining Stephen again around my birthday on August 2 (possibly sooner).

We started Project 365 with a lot of variables in play–money being one of them. We knew that our roles might have to shift in order to make this Project succeed fully and that has been a very organic process and we look at this as simply another detour that has the potential to really benefit Project 365 in the long run.

I encourage anyone who is outraged by this progression to leave a comment below or contact me personally, stefanie@livingvertical.org . I also encourage anyone who supports this progression to leave a comment below or to contact me personally.

This hasn’t been an easy choice, and the thought of missing out on some of my favorite locations hurts my heart a little. The thought of trusting my husband’s life with other climbing partners makes me jump to irrational fears of death and destruction. But I’m trusting that this happened for a reason. In a depressed economy I was offered a job before I even started looking–and I don’t believe that happened by chance.

If you’ve made it to the end of the post thanks for hanging in there. If you scrolled down to the bottom because it looked a bit TL;DR : I got a job and I’ll be gone for a few weeks while Stephen climbs with other people. 

Updates from Joshua Tree

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Climbed: 6,360′ (22 days so far)

Injected: I was down to HALF of my insulin intake due to increased sensitivity about a week ago as we were living in the backcountry–now, having a break from that, my sugar has returned to near normal doses from the outset–6u of Lantus 2x daily, and 3-5u of Humalog 2-3 times daily. The trickiest bit is working through the transitional periods where my insulin sensitivity is increasing or decreasing, because there is a lot of guess-work involved while you wait for it to settle out. It’s pretty nerve racking.

We left San Diego and arrived in Joshua Tree National Park at night on Monday. We were meeting our friends Nick and AJ who have been filming with us–they had arrived earlier in the afternoon and had established a base camp in the backcountry, so immediately upon arrival we had to pack up all of our gear (literally over 100 lbs each) and take on a night-time, cold, windy death march–just to get our camp set up. Without gear this hike isn’t so bad–only a couple of miles on easy terrain but the quantity of gear we had with us made it really stout. If you watch the video we will be posting shortly, that can help give a bit of scale to the enormity of that task, right out of the gate–but the video only shows 1 trip, so double what you see!

Living in camp was the crux of this stop–Joshua Tree is certainly sunnier and warmer than a lot of places in the world, but when the sun goes down, the wind comes up and dust is everywhere, its COLD and cooking, reading, cleaning, injecting insulin, taking a crap, taking notes on the days activities etc, all become a significant expenditure of energy. It was really hard for us–but we learned a lot.

  • Dust is everywhere–it seeks expensive camera gear specifically
  • Injecting yourself with 17 layers of clothing on is both frustrating and demoralizing–and still 100% essential to survival
  • Filming is an ENORMOUS amount of work–to say nothing of editing
  • There is merit to minimalism–moving fast and light. Perfectionism is punished harshly in climbing
  • Cold REALLY depletes batteries (this was the best test of our GoalZero products, full review to come!).
  • Being realistic about what we can accomplish and why we are out here in the first place is paramount
  • Don’t compare your climbing or your artistic projects to others
  • Suffering is a big part of making something incredible

We packed up after climbing for 4 days and hit the road–out to Las Vegas where our cameraman Nick lives. His family have graciously taken us in here, giving us respite from primitive camping for a few days before we continue on. We are climbing daily at the local crags here which are beautiful and entirely unlike what most people associate with Las Vegas.

More climbing and updates to follow as we move along…

Raising the bar

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Climbed: 4110′

Injected: Leveled out with the 6/6Lantus, 4/3 Humalog. Been running close to 100 (waking up between 70-90). 

We are 11 days deep into Project 365 and it is time to raise the bar. We are going to be heading out into the desert for a change of scenery and a bit more isolation and focus. It is interesting how consuming the internet is with its various social media outlets, always clamoring for attention. The price you pay is a decrease of physical activity–in our case, a decrease of emphasis on what we came here to do. Sure it’s nice being able to make little movies every other day and blog and tweet constantly. On the other hand, I have been feeling like our climbing has been…less of a priority than telling people about the climbing.

This creates a strange paradox because the more time spent telling leads to less time creating something extraordinary that is actually worth telling everyone about! So, this means that we are going to be transferring our focus from the explaining and talking about climbing–to actually climbing–and filming for the documentary!

In a way it is probably best that we have gotten off to a slower start than going at it full bore right out of the gate–I am recovering from a grade II A2 pulley rupture last spring and the last thing I need is a re-injury. Plus we have…354 days to turn up the intensity and it’s good to leave somewhere to go.

So. We are leaving for Joshua Tree to do some climbing out there in the desert and re-focus on what we came out here for. Blogs will be updated when there is news to be had (I am going to aim for 1-2 per week) and the majority of updates will happen via our FACEBOOK page since that allows for more runnin’ and gunnin’. Keep in mind that we are going to be without internet/phone service–so responses may be a little slower and updates may be a little more sparse.

We are psyched and ready to take it to the next level!