Tag Archives: dlife

Next steps…

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So at length I have dealt with my new reality. To be fair that is not ALL I have been doing, that has just been the focal point of my writing. But now that the half full vs half empty dichotomy has been set up and explored, you can overlay that as a background monologue behind everything that I am doing. Point being that I have a pretty stout to do-list that needs whittling down before I leave San Diego. I am a list-maker. I compulsively write down everything that I need to do from grocery items I need to buy to emails that need to be returned. It’s not necessarily “sane” behavior, but it helps me function.

1 I have found that retained far too many clothes since leaving NY. I need to get rid of the excess.

This is not a veiled reference to my desire to embrace nudism. I simply have found that aside from undergarments, multiples of any piece of clothing are…just more stuff to drag around. So I am going to do another ebay blitz and sell-sell-sell!

2 I will be leaving San Diego behind as my home base (and not returning!) so there are some things (paperwork mostly and some winter-gear that is out of season) that I will have to mail to my dad’s house back east for safekeeping.

3 (Remember our Indiegogo funding campaign?) It is our plan to finish the monkey-fist chokers and send them out before the middle of the summer. Since all of the other perks were based in media (photos, movie credits etc) those will have to wait to be fulfilled until the project is complete–but since I can MAKE the monkey fist chokers myself, that will be done in short order before I hit the road again. I have made 12…35 more to go. Each one takes about 30-45 minutes to make once you get in a rythm.

4 The Dragon-Wagon needs an oil change and tire rotation since those backroads in Moab kinda left a hitch in my get-along. It also needs to be “re-organized”…I have a new “system” to put in place to keep the food from getting all mixed up. Hint: It involves a LOT of snapware. This is probably the most tangible advantage of going solo–my systems can reign supreme and unchallenged! (I didnt say it was normal)

5 I am waiting for another package from GoPro–I think it is camera accessories–I really have no idea so it will be a surprise, whatever they send me! I also am waiting to recieve a package from Clifbar who are always hooking us up. Our sponsors are SO amazing–each and every one has been super supportive and generous!

6 Make more lists.

Ok, so looking at that list, it’s not that much to do. The real challenge now is what to do/where to go from here. As I alluded to yesterday, I have several options and all are exciting. Basically I have two options that I am torn between at the moment–which can be summarized as such: basecamp vs drifting

1) Make Zion my new basecamp (Rob and Bill have offered their couch for me to sleep on as long as I need) and I could do my “summer” season by taking trips for extended periods out of that area.

Pros- I will have solid partners who I know, trust, and can count on to push me. Living AT the climbing area–greatly reduced need for travel. Having a semblance of a workspace (IE not living out of the car) will allow me to blog and to be able to have a much faster turn around on photos and videos and staying connected. All of the best climbing in the US is a day’s drive from Utah and finding partners looking to travel to my intended destinations should be easier in Zion than in San Diego. Having friends around is more likely to keep me from going Apocalypse Now. Hitting my farther destinations with competent partners would mean less time, but bigger routes.

Cons- It’s going to be getting HOT in Zion which will limit the climbing there. The original plan was not to have any basecamp for the summer. The net affect would be more climbing in an area that I have spent a fair bit of time in already. The time spent in the Pacific NW would be lessened since I would not be drifting at will but making a more focused trip out there. I could get sidelined by slipping into a comfort zone.

2) Pack up the car and take off. Yosemite would be the first area I’d head for. I would do as much as I could there with partners that may or may not avail themselves, then head up the coast of California and go from area to area trying to find people to climb with. I would move with the weather and stay in places where camping was free and simple. The Dragon Wagon would be permanent basecamp.

Pros- It sounds cooler. It is more committing and there is more unknown. I will be forced to adapt to multiple changes that will come at random–that’s life on the road. It will allow for a more leisurely, less “objective-based” climbing experience since I can truly take my time and have nowhere else to be. Granite. Climbing on granite is so much easier…and some would say safer. Weather is no problem–if it gets too hot, just find some mountains, and go there.

Cons-Possibly too many variables to handle in the process of filming, photographing and trying to maintain all of the day to day processes of life while alone. Likely more expensive, with more time spent on the road (driving is costly) and more time spent in CA which is a LOT more expensive than UT. Being out of touch, unable to blog, post photos with any consistency. Difficulty finding partners, no real support network, isolation.

So. While I am checking off the things on my “to do” list, I am trying to sort out the things on my “pros and cons” list. I can envision either scenario as a best-case, going really really well. Worst case scenario, I feel like no basecamp and just bumming it in the car would be decidedly worse if fate conspires against me…The reality is probably a mixture of some things going well and others really poorly. That’s life.

Maybe all the pros and cons are more illusory than I realize and it doesn’t make a huge difference which way I choose to go–but it sure feels like I am standing on yet another brink of a big decision that will steer this project either over a cliff (splat!) or up a cliff.

I hate making decisions.

Half full: The glass, Pt 2

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I am thankful for the support we have gotten in the last few days–and I appreciate your indulging me in a few moments to bitch and moan about my anxieties of being alone. Today was my first day of climbing alone, waking up alone, eating alone, going food shopping alone and the like. I had the opportunity to do a phone interview with John from DiabetesCare.net and when my phone ran out minutes halfway through…my usual go-to plan of poaching Stefs phone was sadly inoperable!

But last night as I dropped Stef at the gate and realized that I am not ready for her to go, I decided that the only way to avoid de-railing and becoming lethargic  and distracted is to choose to focus on the positives in this situation. Like everything I have been ranting about on here for so long, it’s a choice how to deal with any challenge, nothing more nothing less–only the name of the challenge changes. Diabetes. Loneliness. Fear. Laziness. Take your pick, suck it up and get after it! 

I have spent the last 3 days (when not climbing, sleeping or eating) editing video. My main task was to promote our grant application for the Diabetes Hands Foundation (more on that in the next week) but when I submitted my first video it was rejected due to product placement in some of the climbing shots. Initially I was pretty crushed since I had put a lot of time and effort into that (in addition to climbing and shooting more video)…but I decided to suck it up and just make a separate video for the blog out of the stuff that we couldn’t include in the proposal video–and I think you will enjoy it when it’s released! It turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

But today I decided to take a break from bouldering and dry-tooling on the retaining wall here at my sister-in-laws gated development and take a “longer” climb up to the top of Mission Gorge and test out the new GoPro Cameras. I decided to do my usual circuit, 3rd class up to the top of the gorge where a beautiful 30ft hand crack splits a prominent rock formation overlooking the valley, the bay and the setting sun. I ran a few laps unroped on this crack-the best 30 feet of climbing that Mission Gorge has (in my opinion) and felt pretty good. It really started to sink in that climbing by myself is potentially going to be a regular feature now, rather than an occasional diversion.

I began to get excited. What comes next? Right now there are a lot more questions than answers–I just know that there are a lot of possibilities and they are all really amazing! I have never been stronger, and my favorite destinations are coming up as well as a few places that I have dreamed about since I first began climbing. I have no excuses, no comforts holding me back. I’ve always wondered what I could accomplish as a climber if I totally went for it and now I have that opportunity.

As I walked back down to my car for the drive back to my sister in law’s place tonight, I realized that it has been 119 days and I am TOTALLY PSYCHED to be climbing. It’s not getting boring. It’s not getting stale. It’s getting better! Yosemite. Mt Ranier. Mt Shasta. Squamish. Smith Rock. Bugaboos. Devil’s Tower. What’s not to love? There’s just so much out there…

Lastly I want to thank those of you who have been reaching out and supporting us–it’s so awesome to get comments on the blog–like ones from real people, not Viagra offers from Russian pharmaceutical outfits. We have also gotten some contributions to the project recently too and those have been most appreciated. You all are amazing!

Now I just have to figure out what comes next. Lots of possible steps, but I have to be careful to think this through to get the most out of it…

Half empty: the glass, pt1

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I’ve known that this day would come for several months. I put it off–out of sight, out of mind. Ish. Now I am sitting here trying to figure out how I feel about Stef leaving with less than 12 hours until she is off and I am…well…still here. Like most things in life, this isn’t going to fit in a nice little cookie cutter explanation template. So to hell with simplicity and brevity! Let’s roll up our sleeves and get to it!

I am really happy about this job that Stef got. This didn’t come about from some mutual disillusionment or  a sudden realization on our part that the easiest path to matrimonial bliss may not lie in the heart of the wilderness or several pitches up El Capitan. Project 365 isn’t our first rodeo (as those of you who know us well are aware) and we have spent many many months living out of minimalist vehicles, eating one pot meals off of single burner stoves. We’ve gotten rained on in tents, infiltrated by rodents, dug our share of catholes and had all our clothing and gear stolen by meth-heads.

When we headed out to San Diego in 2011 we had already faced all of the challenges of living on the road–except one. The challenge of being apart. This is one frontier that we have not conquered in six years since we first met. Last summer was the first time we had been apart when I traveled out west with another partner, Trevor, to shoot some footage for the Project 365 trailer and Stef stayed behind to hold down the fort.

That was a tough month for me–but I knew that I would be able to come back home and life would go back to normal. Commitment has been a key part of this project and leaving our home behind was a big step–leaving and knowing that whatever happened, we didn’t have anywhere to come back to. It simplified things in a somewhat harsh manner. Now this commitment level is being increased as my most personal attachment, my best friend will be thousands of miles away.

Spending significant periods of time alone really messes with your head. I don’t mean a weekend alone in front of the TV. I mean weeks away from a semblance of civilized life where you forget what conversation feels like or when you last even spoke. I’ve been there before, but always with the expectation of an “end point” or some return to normalcy. Now this end point has been moved forward indefinitely and that is something I have to figure out. I have always been a neurotic, OCD head case, but having someone else to bounce ideas off of, to share the load, to balance me out…to calm me down…helped.

I know that this is all part of “the experience”. I know that being pushed is the basis of this project. I know that this job (of Stef’s) is a good decision and I know I will accomplish things in the next few months that will change our life forever. I also know that I don’t live my life in months, even though these blogs and videos may be deceptive in that regard. What may look magnificent measured in months is often a compilation of many desperate minutes. This is life, this is happening–ready or not.

To clarify, I am not at the end of my rope. I am not unsure if this change is necessary or will ultimately be beneficial. I’m facing a massive deconstruction of every last source of normalcy in my life  (with the exception of my blood sugar, that has actually been cooperative…) and at this point, I can honestly say that I have no idea how I am going to make this work. Uncertain outcome? Check. You wanted adventure, well that about sums it up.

I want all of our readers know that their support, their ability to see and remind us of the big picture that we are all working to create–that is the light at the end of the tunnel and we are both very very thankful for you all.

And Now for Something Completely Different…

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Hi everyone, Stefanie here.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a blog, huh? As I said in my last post back in December, I’m not much of a writer as I prefer to document my life in photos and have never been very good with words. However, as we approach the 5th month of Project 365 there’s going to be a very relevant shift in my role and I felt it was best for me to personally announce this and explain why it is happening.

Since day 1 it has been our goal to be as transparent as possible in regards to where any contributions are going and what we are working with money-wise.

From our Indiegogo campaign we raised $7, 485. After subtracting the fees from Indiegogo and Paypal  we ended up with about $5,500. Since we’ve had so much equipment graciously donated to us, cameras, tents, ropes, solar gear etc, we’ve been very careful to only use the contributed funds to things directly related to Project 365. What does that include? Gas, food, camera accessories (filters caps, tripod mounts etc), 2 pairs of discounted shoes from FiveTen, and a couple of dromedaries to keep us hydrated.

What doesn’t that include? Any of our personal expenses that existed before the project started: cell phones, student loans, car insurance, credit card debit.

Before we left New York in December we both agreed that our priorities for the Project were as follows:

  1. Stephen is going to climb everyday for 365 days no matter what, even if the only person paying attention on day 360 is his belayer.
  2. We would document as much of the Project as we could with whatever help and resources we had available.
  3. We weren’t going to neglect personal financial responsibility in order for the project to be completed as we originally, idealistically envisioned it.

So how are we paying for our personal expenses?  From our personal savings and from the sale of most of our “non-outdoor gear” and clothing before we began the project in the fall of 2011. However, my  personal resources are dwindling and I am at an impasse as to how to address my financial responsibilities.

This leads me to the point of this post. Before leaving for the trip I was able to save up a decent amount of money. However it wasn’t enough to get me through the year but it was enough to get us started on the project and we both decided that we would cross that bridge when we came to it.

I stepped up to that bridge in March. Just as I started thinking that I only had enough money to see me into the first part of the summer, I was offered a job. This job literally came out of nowhere, in response to  a long forgotten resume, posted to a hiring website well before Project 365 even existed as an idea.

I was timid about accepting the offer even though it would save me from defaulting on my bills. How would it affect the Project? What will supporters think? Will it look like I’m abandoning our goal? Honestly, I had many sleepless nights thinking about everything and many hours were spent discussing pros and cons, first as a married couple and then as climbing partners.

And then we got to Zion.

This last month has been one of the best months for Stephen as a climber. He did his first big-wall aid climb, he sent his hardest sport climb to date, and has improved on desert cracks beyond where he has ever been. He did all of this climbing with people that weren’t me. People that would push him past his comfort zone, and make him climb harder than he ever has.  For me this was an affirmation of what I needed to do.

I’ve always known that Stephen and I are on very different levels physically and mentally when it comes to climbing and I’ve always felt as though I hold him back from his full potential and vice versa. I’ve become a comfortable top rope climber, I rarely get on the sharp end and never really test myself as I’ve become comfortable with always allowing Stephen to take the lead. We have different goals in climbing and that’s ok on a personal level–but for him to really break through as a stronger climber, our match-up isn’t ideal.

Therefore our amazing time in Zion has lead us to decide that I will take the job that has been offered to me. So what does that mean for the remainder of Project 365?  Honestly, the only one that will notice my absence on a daily basis will be Stephen.  Being in constant access of interent I’ll now be able to keep the social media part of it more up to date and it will also allow me to start really pushing the Project to larger media outlets, which has not been easy to do working out of  Toyota Tercel with inconsistent internet access. I’ll be away for a few weeks starting on May 15 and then I’ll be joining Stephen again around my birthday on August 2 (possibly sooner).

We started Project 365 with a lot of variables in play–money being one of them. We knew that our roles might have to shift in order to make this Project succeed fully and that has been a very organic process and we look at this as simply another detour that has the potential to really benefit Project 365 in the long run.

I encourage anyone who is outraged by this progression to leave a comment below or contact me personally, stefanie@livingvertical.org . I also encourage anyone who supports this progression to leave a comment below or to contact me personally.

This hasn’t been an easy choice, and the thought of missing out on some of my favorite locations hurts my heart a little. The thought of trusting my husband’s life with other climbing partners makes me jump to irrational fears of death and destruction. But I’m trusting that this happened for a reason. In a depressed economy I was offered a job before I even started looking–and I don’t believe that happened by chance.

If you’ve made it to the end of the post thanks for hanging in there. If you scrolled down to the bottom because it looked a bit TL;DR : I got a job and I’ll be gone for a few weeks while Stephen climbs with other people. 

Day 111- breaking the “Everest” mark

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In a few moments I will be heading out to climb for the 111th straight day. Prior to climbing today, I have accumulated 28,700 vertical feet which is just a little more than 300ft short of the elevation of the worlds tallest peak. This afternoon I will close that gap and pass this milestone in Zion National Park–a place that has been hugely significant as part of the project–with my partners Stefanie and Rob.

While this milestone is just that–not an ending or a resting point, it is encouraging to see how far we have been able to climb with your support and reflect on the ways that this project is reaching people of all ages with and without type 1 diabetes. I have lots to share from our time over the last few days in Moab and photos to edit but I wanted to share this video with you all to celebrate how far we have come and to stay motivated because there is a LONG way yet to go!

Diabetes and every other challenge is what we make of it. Talk is cheap, action is the truth.