Tag Archives: icebreaker

Goodbye, San Diego.

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I stood in the dingy supermarket checkout line, waiting as the overworked clerk rang up the various purchases for those buying last minute installments of hot dogs, ribs, burgers and chicken for holiday BBQs. I tried to avoid making eye contact with the other shoppers lest my true opinion of highly processed, low quality meats would belie itself and I would wind up getting a switchblade in the ribs for my concern.

I was compulsively looking at my CGM, which has become a nervous tick at this point, enjoying the fact that I was not buying any food but merely accompanying Mike (my sister-in-law’s boyfriend) on his quest to get a few items. We had been chatting about my plans once I leave San Diego and my uncertainty regarding a possible return to this area next winter, to close out Project 365.

As I gave voice to the fact that the project is entering its 5th month, the enormity of everything at hand set in. How would I deal with being “at large” without even a semblance of a home base? I drifted into a fond reflection of the time I have spent here, the convenience of close, local climbing, internet and having an actual address at which to receive mail! I also thought about the fact that my downtime since Stefanie’s departure has been more of a burden than a luxury.

My reverie was interrupted at this point when the lady in the next line over began going ballistic, shouting “Oh my GOD someone stole my purse, someone stole my purse!”. She began frantically hurling chicken thighs and bags of Doritos out of her cart and onto the floor and checkout counter to confirm that her proclamation was not premature. Our clerk confided in me that this type of scene was not uncommon and to be vigilant about  guarding my wallet and possessions. My mind reeled with the thought of some scofflaw trying to rob me and not understanding my spastic explanation of why I would not be willing to surrender my CGM!

In that moment, I knew–there was no need to look back, because the best is yet to come. Wednesday morning bright and early, I’m out of here!

My new Dexcom CGM system!

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Confidence is pretty important when you are climbing. Granted you want to avoid overconfidence, but knowing what you can do and being able to count on it in a pinch is vital. Confidence comes from knowing and not guessing.

At least 99% of the last 13 years I have spent guessing–about my blood sugar. I won’t lie and say that I havent gotten pretty skilled at it–but it’s still a crapshoot. No, I’m not coming out as a “bad diabetic” (non-compliant, in denial etc–the term “bad” diabetic is erroneous in that it connotes a personal evaluation) but I have checked my sugar…a lot of times. Lets figure conservatively and say I check my blood sugar 4 times a day that I am on pancreas duty. That would be literally every day since January 16th 1999.

Lets do the math: (365 x 13)4= 18,980 times that I have measured my blood glucose by stabbing my finger and testing the blood. All that to say that I have done my due diligence as a compliant diabetic by testing the recommended amount. The only problem is that for the other 1,400 some-odd minutes of the day, I have no idea WHAT my blood sugar is doing. And THAT is the standard for “blood glucose management”.

Bear in mind that the fluctuations of blood sugar are THE biggest obstacle of living with Type 1 Diabetes as well as the biggest risk factor for further complications like kidney failure, blindness, heart disease, amputations and all the usual characters.

Let’s put it in a different perspective–several–I’m feeling saucy…

  • Your boss only spends 4 minutes per day at work. None of those minutes are consecutive. How does that affect productivity and morale?
  • Your bank account only allows you to read your balance 4 times a year. How does that affect your ability to budget?
  • I complete project 365 with only 4 pictures or 4 blogs to show for my time out climbing. How does that allow you to understand what I have been doing?

I trust that you see what I am getting at. Now…there exists technology to measure blood sugar almost 300 times a day. 4 times day vs 300. You may have noticed some pictures and chatter about this technology on our Facebook page over the weekend. Knowledge is power and so I am feeling even more empowered and I am compulsively taking photos of my blood glucose readout. Who doesn’t like feeling powerful?

Full disclosure: I have memorized almost every episode of Seinfeld. When I am soloing or climbing at all really and I need to focus and stop thinking about the dicey anchor that is protecting a series of moves or the imaginary anchor that isn’t there at all…I revert to quoting my favorite moments–which usually involve George.

Having said that, I can honestly say that this advancement in diabetic technology is the first thing to really excite me  despite all of the gadgetry that has come to light over the course of the decade because it will allow me to push myself a lot harder with a much greater margin of safety. Knowing what my blood sugar gets up to while I’m not hovering over a glucometer is going to give me a much more accurate picture of what I am doing right and should keep doing, versus what needs work.

So here are the broad strokes–I plan to share how this works over the coming weeks in greater detail and I am happy to discuss it if anyone has questions about it!

Getting the CGM system set up at Insulindependence HQ while The Hammer (Josiah) looks on. (Photo by Peter Nerothin)

This is the transmitter that "lives" on my stomach for a week or two at a time. This part "talks" to the receiver and gives near continuous glucose measurement.

 

This is the receiver that you may have seen popping up on our FB feed--the readout shows what my blood sugar IS and where it is going (see the arrow?)

For my next act, a rant: Why are these things not the standard of care for everyone with diabetes? Sure sure, it costs money and everyone knows the insurance companies are looking to cinch their purse strings closed. But what about the long term? Keeping one person off of dialysis could save enough money to pay for this technology to be made available to 5 people for 10 years. That statistic is completely made up but I would love to see someone with a more mathematical brain crunch the numbers. Because I KNOW that more “capable” people are ultimately going to be less of a burden than people who need more care because they couldn’t accurately see what their blood sugar was doing.

If the medical community actually gives a rats ass about preventative medicine, they’d do well to make sure that every person gets one of these setups with as they leave the hospital upon diagnosis. What is more disturbing to me is the fact that so many medical professionals are not up-to-date on this technology–how are we supposed to trust our doctors when they are unable to provide us with the best tools to take care of ourselves. Worse yet, try explaining the difference between type 1 and type 2 diabetes to an insurance drone when they tell you that they can’t cover you because of the implication that you must be unhealthy–but that’s another rant in itself.

Bottom line, this device is not just a handy gadget…this device is power–power to stop fighting this adversary with one hand tied behind your back.

ex post facto: I am NOT sponsored by Dexcom and I am not receiving any compensation of any kind for my vehement opinion. I just realized that I have been rubbing sticks together rather than using a zippo.

Loose ends, new beginnings

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This week has been a flurry of running errands, making monkey-fist chokers, promoting our DHF Seeds grant  video (which still needs your support!) and making sure that all of the excess stuff has been trimmed down, mailed or sold, and that all my meds are secured—all in preparation for the next move into Yosemite. Being honest, I have to say that handling all of these tasks alone has been some of the darkest time for me personally–because so little is in my control. Climbing, the one area where I go to exercise control (or some semblance of it) has been uninspiring and not super aesthetic in the San Diego area.

Ups and downs I guess, that’s the plot. Sorry for the spoiler.

But…in addition to the “downs” there have been some very significant ups. For starters, I have been SO overwhelmed by the support you have shown our project in the voting for the DHF grant. It makes me feel like perhaps I am not as alone as I feel–and that is very encouraging. Stef has been very overwhelmed as well with her new, intensive job training but she has been doing very well despite 12 hour days with take home studying on the side. That usually leaves us about 5 minutes (if that) to speak every day but the amazing support for our project has been a recurring theme and has been elevating both of us as we buckle down to get our work done.

The people I have met through this project are some of the most excellent people I have had the pleasure of meeting–and while some people who I expected would be leading the pack in support of our efforts have been MIA, I have seen old friends and those that I never would have expected to care–step up and fill those voids and surpass my wildest expectations. Your support is a very powerful thing and I want you all to know that every “like” every “share” and “retweet” and email, every contribution, every extension of information or offer of hospitality…all of it…is what led me to this point and what will lead me beyond in the next several months.

So up till this point, I have been dangling my feet in the water, regarding living the climbing lifestyle. My plan was to “ease into it” during the winter and the spring and then take the plunge mid-late spring by living on the road and bumming it. Up til this point I have been back and forth between various climbing destinations and San Diego where we have been crashing at need. Up to this point I’ve had couches to sleep on and some semblance of a workspace. Sure there were clusters of days here and there where I’d wake up with sand in my teeth from sleeping in the dirt, but those were always the exception, not the rule.

Now it’s day 128. I’ve climbed 33,020 feet. I think my feet are wet by now. Once I pull up stakes here, the adventure will be dialed up a few clicks. Sounds fun, right? Basically it means that every single aspect of my life will be as minimal (and by extension, uncertain) as can be. Living out there in the mountains, on the rock in the dirt and telling the story as I go. As you may know, I feel very accountable to my readers. You have given me a lot–and I want to do the same in return.

Living “between worlds” where I have a couple weeks between trips  in San Diego to edit, upload, blog etc has given me the luxury of  providing that right up front. Now, I am heading into the belly of the beast–and I going to be blogging less. My goal is to solidly blog once every week with more when I have the opportunity. My goal is to write over the weekends and publish monday AM. I may wind up having a lot more access to space and time to post up and that would be great–but I’m not counting on it. I want you to understand what is happening and why.

I have also been able to give more “play by play” narratives and  as we move forward with fewer blogs, more and bigger climbs, there will be a broader view with a variety of photos. The story will have to come together before it can be fully recounted and told in full detail.

While there is a part of me that worries about my coming inability to hover over our email inbox and Facebook page, I know that once again, I must let go and step away in order for the real meat and potatoes of this project to fully manifest. Overall, it is encourages me because we have not even scratched the surface and I know that I can trust the constant support that you have given us to continue.

So as I go and hang it out there and put more on the line than ever before, for longer periods than before…here are a few things I’d like to ask of you:

  • Please be patient. That means that I can’t respond to your comments or emails as fast as I’d like–but I still need to hear from you and I need your support so don’t just assume that I’m too busy to care what you have to say.
  • Please follow us on Facebook if you haven’t already. Updating there is something that I can do from my 1990′s era idiot-phone so that is likely to be more active than this blog at times.
  • Please help us get more followers on Facebook by directing your friends to our page.
  • Please share our DHF video link with all the voting rules until June 15th–you guys are doing AWESOME and I’d love to see that support for our proposal keep growing!
  • If you’re in CA and are visiting Yosemite, come find the Dragon Wagon and say hi, or come climbing or hiking or whatever!

 

Back on the wagon!

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Since laboring through the decision of where to go next and how I would do that without a partner, I have refocused my efforts and had some wonderful (albeit non-vertical) experiences. I have been sorting out gear to send back to my dad’s house vs selling on Ebay vs bringing along for the remainder of the project. I am happy to say that I got most of that taken care of over the weekend.

In between sorting out the winter gear that is out of season, Stef’s stuff that is now needed elsewhere and my own clothing that I have declared “obsolete”, I have been trolling the inter-webs to find people to climb with and figure out what routes I wanted to tackle. Think of match.com only without the encouraging commercials, or catchy jingles. It’s a hit or miss game that is riddled with horror stories–I mean, come on, you are trolling to find someone in whose hands your life will literally be placed…

Initially I had little success or relevant responses and so I just tried to buckle down and wrangle the cardboard. Oh–and I took some pictures of the packing process. I realized that in my “doldrums” I had been slacking on shooting–possibly because the landscape of San Diego is a little less inspiring to me? Being honest, the urban nature of this area has been closing in on me and making me feel like I will never get back out.

As I was starting to go in circles and losing my emotional equilibrium (in respect to climbing and the project) I got a friendly reminder from a good friend (thanks Bill!) that it would be helpful for me to tear myself away from the cloister and come out to the Insulindepence “Dawn Phenomenon”, a T1D athletic meet-up. At first mention I was pretty hesitant about coming out. I had boxes to pack–and all the stuff! Plus I had to worry about…things.

As I engaged the smart part of my brain, I recognized that I was grappling with worries that I couldn’t do anything about. Refreshing my posts on the climbing forum or checking my inbox wasn’t really doing much to help and it wasn’t helping me clear my mind for the gear sorting that needed  to take place. I would literally be a hermit if T1D didnt force me to connect with society and maintain some of the trappings of conventional living–not because I am some sort of Ebenezer Scrooge who hates everyone, but I have always been very introverted.

Stef prodded me via txt message to suck it up and get up early and go–predicting (with usual accuracy) that I would have a blast. Being in social situations is a lot like climbing for me–it’s tough getting up early, it always seems risky and too hard but almost always is a super-rewarding experience once I am actually in the moment.

I met a whole slew of awesome new friends who share my appreciation for the pancreatic arts (read:diabetes) and I had a bit of a perspective shift. I had been seeing this Project of mine as just that. My project. I didn’t want to tear myself away from my project because there I had too much to do, and too much to worry about. As I spoke with more of my new friends at the Dawn Phenomenon event I felt a sort of kinship–as though I hadn’t stopped working on my project but rather left my cubicle and come out into the lobby to join everyone else who is working right along with me on different pieces of the same puzzle!

That summit experience, that glimpse of the big picture is a precious thing–it keeps us going through the dark, the lonely, the tattered cardboard boxes, and the worrying. What I saw this weekend made me feel a lot less alone–it’s like the onion keeps peeling back and each time I think I have a handle on the layer I’m at, another one peels back and I’m blown away!

David taking a card (I started leaving a few under my wiper with an invitation below to take one!) while Peter, founder of Insulindependence.org looks on

Peter Nerothin founder of Insulindependence.org showin' some love!

A dirty hippie photo-bombed this shot I was trying to get of the new artwork! (Kidding of course--I believe this is Peter's picture or possibly Gregs--I'm not absolutely certain--but this and the preceding two photos are borrowed from Insulindependence!

So yeah…now there are a bunch MORE people ON THE (dragon)WAGON! And we got some sick Artistry here in addition to messages of encouragement! I am excited to head north with some good looking tattoos on the “wagon”! Every name and message and graffito I see, every day, is a reminder of everyone else who is with me on this journey and who is working towards the same goals!

So that was the highlight of a weekend that I expected to involve a lot more worry and a lot less fun. I am really thankful for the lesson I learned and the friends I just made! But wait–there’s more! I may be able to try a Dexcom  CGM (continuous glucose monitor) thanks to Josiah who generously offered to hook me up. For those of you who dont know, this is the ONE medical gadget that I have been pining to try–because it gives a much more thorough picture of what my blood sugar is doing through a given day!

Let me put it in perspective–what if you only got your bank statement once a month and never had access to checking or tracking the balance between times? Thats what I have been doing for 13 years and my currency is blood glucose–so if I overdraw, I can die, as opposed to simply incurring a $25.00 overdraft fee…This continuous monitoring system would allow me to to track everything that is going on and I am SUPER psyched about that since it could be the biggest change to how I manage my diabetes in 13 years!

And the good news doesn’t end there…my path is becoming clearer from a climbing end. A few partners (locally in San Diego) availed themselves to help make my final week here more bearable…and I am making some really fantastic connections on the climber’s forum where I am getting great info on routes to try in Yosemite as well as lining up partners for some of my time there!

Here are a few routes I am looking at:

West face of the Leaning Tower (solo if necessary)

Lost Arrow Spire Direct (solo if necessary)

El Cap: via Lurking Fear (don’t want to solo this one!)

and some less Big Wall type stuff up on the eastern part of the park!

Tenaya Peak

Cathedral Peak

Matthes Crest

I may do all of these, none of these or some of these and some other ones I can’t even begin to anticipate at this point–but I have enough of a rough sketch in my mind to move forward from here. For now…I have to stay focused on the climbing I am doing each and every day–cratering hurts no matter how inauspicious the rock formation you fall from!

The moment of truth!

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Today signifies the beginning of the next step in Project 365. We have made it to the final selection in the Diabetes Hands Foundation Seeds micro grant and YOU will be the determining factor (based on your votes) in whether or not we are awarded this $2,000 grant to produce our documentary.

Here’s how it works (please follow these steps exactly!):

  1. Click THIS LINK
  2. Click on the Project 365 video! (It’s got some new stuff in there from our time in Moab and some cool timelapses!)
  3. In the upper right hand corner of the video screen there is a “Share” button, below the “Heart”. Click this and SHARE /LIKE our video on your social media accounts.
  4. When sharing on the video…you must “like”  or share the video THROUGH the DHF Vimeo page for votes to register, regardless what social network(s) you’re using to spread the word!!!!
  5. You don’t have to have a Vimeo account to do any of the above actions.
  6. If you DO have a Vimeo account, CLICK THE HEART TOO (it’s another vote)!!!
  7. Get YOUR friends to pass this on as well.

Here are some facts that you should know in addition:

  1. This grant is to fund the production of the Project 365 documentary, not the climbing project itself–it would not be accessible for our use until the documentary goes into production.
  2. All “social media love” counts as a vote. Like and share our project on as many of your accounts as you can.
  3. Please make sure to be clear when sharing this that you must like the video ON the DHF Vimeo page for votes to register!!!!
  4. If you post the video on your FB and people “like” that post…no votes are tallied. Any support must be visible through the Vimeo page.
  5. Please take the time to share this and to get your friends to show their support as well. This costs nothing and can make a huge impact on the success of this project.

This project started as an idea which has been steadily growing because you bet on us. Because you contributed to our campaign. Because you sent us an email that said “don’t stop: your message is important”. Because you sent us gear that made our lives livable and our climbs safer. Because you opened your homes to us. Because you are building onto the structure we are creating together, every time you spend your time reading this blog or spread the word about this project.

You have invested in what we are doing on many levels and now I would like to ask you to help your investment succeed. Maybe you just lurk this blog and never comment. Maybe you never like our posts on Facebook or don’t even have and account in the first place and just assumed that you weren’t part of this event because you don’t climb or don’t have diabetes. I’d like to invite you consider a very different perspective.

This project is about sharing an idea–not about me, not about climbing or even type 1 diabetes per se. Sharing can’t happen in a bubble and so even the most remote lurker is at the very heart of what this project is about!