LivingVertical has partnered with the Diabetes Hands Foundation to promote the Big Blue Test-this is an awesome initiative that empowers people with diabetes through exercise-of any kind, combined with targeted blood glucose measurement. Your participation will help YOU (and others when you share and promote the Big Blue Test) AND will generate a $5.00 donation to life saving diabetes charities for every entry logged!
What’s not to love about this? You don’t even have to have diabetes to participate-see the photo above!
Speaking personally, the idea of empowering people with diabetes through exercise is what prompted me to live out of my car and establish LivingVertical through Project365. Recently, I have been in need of motivation to get back into a training cycle and take better control of my blood sugar (climbing mountains doesn’t mean I don’t have slumps!) and the Big Blue Test is just what I need to get back on the horse-and to step my game up a little bit!
There is a lot more to adventure and climbing than what people label as “extreme” and over this next month, I am going to be showing how taking your diabetes on an adventure is something that anyone can do-through videos, photos and blogs! That is how I am going to be doing my Big Blue Tests-with simple, functional fitness. Please join me in taking steps to change lives through participating in this initiative-every day from now until November 14th, World Diabetes Day!
Of course, you know that I can’t simply swear off my rope and rack for a whole month-so I am planning a special World Diabetes Day climb for the culmination of the Big Blue Test-it’s going to be something special! Diabetes is what we make of it. Let’s take advantage of this opportunity to make our world better for living powerfully with this condition, one step at a time.

For Day 1 of the Big Blue Test, I took my Diabetes up to the summit of Angels Landing in Zion National Park. No ropes, no harnesses, no technical climbing. Just putting one foot in front of the other. Join us!
It’s been about 24 hours since I returned from my most recent travels. Africa. Europe. Driving across the US. Lots of ups and downs both in terms of topography and diabetes. Going into this trip I felt like I had things pretty well sorted out in terms of my diabetes. Then, somehow my control started slipping and suddenly my sugar won’t come down despite repeated correction injections. Then, out of nowhere on some days, my sugar decides to plummet with barely any provocation.
It’s been 14 years-almost 15 now. Shouldn’t this be getting easier?

Diabetes is a mental challenge with a physical manifestation. I don’t struggle with the physiology of diabetes. I struggle with the psychology of this condition. Yeah, I climb mountains for fun and I like steep places. I know that diabetes doesn’t have to stop me from anything I want to achieve. I also know that since I am in control, my ability to flip that switch on and accomplish seemingly significant feats is only a hairs-breadth away from a complete lack of desire to try and the utter acceptance of defeat-and when I fall into that rut, I can really wind up taking a beating-even in spite of the massive outpourings of love and support that have come in the last week or so-depression isn’t rational-it doesn’t need a reason to kick you in the shorts.
It’s a fine line to walk. I use diabetes as my motivation but some days, I just don’t want to play this game anymore. Today I wallowed in absolute despair as my blood sugar skyrocketed to 295 as I sat at the computer, trying to cobble together a workable climbing project for 2014 that will leave room for training and the Project365 film tour this fall/winter. Suddenly I just felt like I wanted to start updating my resume and cash in my chips. The documentary is finished, or just about. We have that paid for and that means we finished what we set out to do, right?
It’s really hard to be yourself sometimes. Maybe I lost myself in Project365 and I don’t know how to function with bigger projects and the knowledge that people are watching. Maybe caring too much about succeeding is the problem. Or maybe, I have been too focused on what I “should” be doing and what people expect of me. Maybe it’s time to just get back to basics. It may be a little self indulgent but I feel like I have slipped away from just being myself and really sharing my struggle through this blog. It’s become more business-like and “what’s new with LivingVertical” and while that’s all well and good, it’s not…me.
I finally stepped away from the computer this afternoon to go for a walk to check the mail and bring my blood sugar down. I managed to hate every square inch of the sidewalk between home and the post office and it made me realize that I am upset with myself and that it is my own complacency that has caused a lot of these issues. Once the project ended, it was easy to be lazy. I had earned that right…but once you fall into that routine, it gets harder to get back on the wagon.
So now, it’s back to square one. I get to go through the process of building myself back up and seeing how high I can reach. I know a lot of people see the summit photos and that’s their takeaway as to how I live my life with diabetes. For me, those summits are the bright light at the end of the tunnel that make it worthwhile for me to get out of bed and keep fighting what feels like an impossible battle.
It’s not easy to be yourself when you don’t know who to be or what you are. But I know that I usually wind up making sense of things when I fling myself out of the frying pan and into the fire. So…that is what I am going to do. I am not a businessperson, or a blogger or an artist or an advocate or a spokesperson. Im Steve. I have diabetes and I climb things. The rest is just details-so I have to get back to being me again, because none of this was supposed to be easy in the first place-it just has to be worthwhile.
This weekend, I was honored to be a finalist in the Insulindependence Athletic Achievement Award for 2013-I submitted a short video about Project365 along with 24 other amazing athletes with diabetes, many of whom I am proud to call personal friends. To be honest I was pretty surprised to make it that far in the first place-I know that climbing is exciting and novel in its own way, but so many of the folks who also entered are far beyond me in terms of athletics. To be honest I have never considered myself an athlete-just a diabetic with a climbing habit that has steered my life through the challenges of this chronic illness.
I have to remember that last line, that’s going to be the epigram for my book when I write it…
As things turned out, my video was viewed almost 5,000 times thanks to YOU-who watched, shared, “liked”, tweeted, retweeted, blogged, reblogged, harassed, pestered and publicized. That was good enough to get me invited to San Diego to the final award ceremony and I felt very honored. The other two gentlemen that were finalists along with me have been good friends and super supportive of Project365 from the outset. Really wonderful people, sincere, with a heart for helping people with diabetes-the kind of people that I knew I’d be happy for if they won over me, the kind of people that I’d feel a little sheepish and humbled winning over them.
Going into the competition, I was committed to one thing: winning the award. During this weekend, prior to the presentation of the award, something changed in my mind. The appeal of the award paled in comparison to the magic that happens when you get a couple hundred passionate, incredibly talented and committed people together who are all in pursuit of the same goal. This creates competition-where people are vying for publicity and funding-basic needs that sustain our efforts-but competition-and staying “hungry” is important. It’s not a negative thing to say ‘hey, I want to win this’. It causes all of us to elevate our game and our minds. Moreover, it creates waves that reverberate outside of the diabetes community to indicate that there are enough of us out there who are getting after it to really create some competition-and that is a beautiful thing that none of us could do alone!
By this point you must have figured out that I didn’t win the competition. Honesty is an important (if not widely appreciated) quality-and so I’ve got to say, when it hit me that I would not be taking home the $5,000.00 that would help complete the documentary that I have poured my entire life into for 2 years, it felt like a failure. I failed. Why wasn’t I good enough to get more people to vote for me? I have always been my harshest critic and my reaction is always to initially take challenges and internalize them. Challenges like diabetes. Like falling off climbs.
Some people seem to think I’m a “professional diabetic” to borrow a phrase from Bill Carlson, or that diabetes isn’t a struggle for me because I climb “stuff”. Between the summits that I have shared through Project365 there have been valleys darker than a well-diggers colon-depression, despair, inadequacy, you name it-and it periodically crashes in on me. Writing this blog is one of the hardest ones I have ever had to do. I don’t like to admit that I don’t handle challenges well-frequently. I’d like to be seen as a class act that can accept failure with grace-but it’s a struggle for me and like it or not, that’s me and it’s out there.
But that moment passed and I put on my big-boy pants and realized that this award was never mine to begin with and that I had not lost anything. I had fabricated a path in my mind and attached myself to an outcome rather than just being open. That was my only failure! This moment, this award, had belonged to someone else and that was our success together as a community.
Yesterday, I had some time to talk to Scott and as we shared stories and congratulated each other, I felt like a fool for even allowing myself to entertain the feeling of failure. This weekend was an opportunity for me to reset my perspective again, and I am very thankful that Scott is such a gracious guy-and I am truly excited for him to explore the horizons of his athletics-and hopefully to come climbing with me like we have been planning for a year!
So what’s next? Well, this isn’t really a setback for the Project365 documentary. I am more inspired than I have ever been and more motivated to complete what we all started together. We will take a different route to the summit-and it will be superb. I hope that you, my partners won’t sever the ropes that connect us, upon realizing that I have flaws that I have yet to master.
I want to thank Jeffrey for sharing yet another trip report and his photos with all of us. I met Jeffrey through our Facebook Page where I learned that he has reconnected to climbing at age 32 after a diagnosis with type 1 diabetes this past fall (Black Friday 2012). I was immediately inspired when he shared his story with me and how his approach to management and adjustment was all about teamwork, positivity and determination to find a way to get after it. I am excited to be able to share this guest post and content from others like us who are living powerfully with diabetes in the vertical world. (Steve)
“We’re going camping!” I reminded Jenny about every 20 minutes on our four-hour ride. We rarely get a chance to vacation, but after seemingly endless months of grad school, Jenny finally had a well-deserved week off. Our trips never stray too far from the Mid-Atlantic vicinity; family and friends stretch between Norfolk and New York City. However on this vacation we headed to the mountains. Destination: Seneca Rocks, WV.
Seneca Rocks is where I began climbing in 1994 as an awkward high school freshman. My father felt it might be nice to try an outdoorsy, non-team related activity. He enrolled us in an intro to climbing class at Seneca, and we were hooked. My dad, brother, and I would climb every weekend we could for the next four years. Unfortunately, as I moved out, started working, and went to college, the climbing tapered off. The last time I’d been to Seneca was probably fifteen years ago. I was beyond excited to relive those memories and share them with Jennifer; this was already shaping up to be a very special trip.
As a grad student Jenny gets out to climb maybe once every couple months. She’s competent at top roping moderates, but she’s never climbed anything more than 60 or 70 feet. I wanted her to have some multi-pitch experience beforehand, so the week prior we drove out to Harpers Ferry and climbed a few two-pitch routes on Maryland Heights. She seemed quite at ease belaying from ledges and rappelling, so I felt pretty confident having her follow some 5.easies at Seneca.
My goals for the trip were twofold. Firstly, I wanted to lead Jenny to the South Peak summit. My dad and I climbed to the summit in ’94, but we’ve never made it back since. Secondly, I wanted to see if the climbing school still had the summit register from 1994.
I can’t remember if we had even signed it back then, but if we did, Dad would be thrilled to see a picture of our entry. As the trip approached the forecast looked grim. I took that Thursday and Friday off work, but the weather seemed to disapprove. Friday called for thunderstorms and high winds, but that wasn’t going to stop us. I had some backup plans in mind if we were completely washed out.
Thursday morning we set out on our journey and made it to Seneca by late afternoon. Even the drive was nostalgic for me. I could recognize some of the turns and barns and farms along the way. Upon arriving we setup camp, packed a small bag, and hiked up to visit Seneca’s North Peak. The switchback trail is a mile and a half and rises a thousand feet above the town. We scrambled along the top, tried to pick out our tent in the distance, and snacked. I showed Jenny where I first climbed and some of the routes like Streptococcus, a steep 5.9* I don’t think I ever made it up. The sun was hanging low in the sky so we hiked back down. Each time we faced the rocks I quizzed Jenny on the different faces and features. As we neared the end of the trail a shirtless runner passed us on his way up the mountain. Jenny and I snickered and scoffed at his blatant athleticism. We returned to camp and made some dinner and settled in for the night. We had the entire campgrounds to ourselves. It was a nice change from the city; we could look up and see so many more stars.
Friday morning was rough. During the restless night I remembered how much trouble I had sleeping in tents. Jenny and I made coffee and ate breakfast. Since we would be facing poor weather later, I only wanted to get one climb in for the day. I didn’t want to get all caught up in a downpour, so I chose a single pitch route at the South End of Seneca, Candy Corner, a 5.6*. We made the short hike in and crossed paths with another few other climbers on Totem. Totem is where Dad and I were first taught how to lead climb and place protection. I started up Candy Corner and it was fantastic. A couple spots gave me some pause, but I was able to figure out the moves. The climb follows a narrow dihedral and the end of a Skyline Buttress. The first section is a ramp but quickly rises to vertical with a couple bulges. I’m a decent 5.9 climber but that was a tricky for a 5.6. I must not have remembered the grades at Seneca are a bit stiff. Jenny followed up to the belay ledge without any trouble at all. I was impressed and so proud of her. We looked across the road to the Souther Pillar and another party climbing Roy Gap Chimneys. Jenny and I rapped off, packed up, snooped around Seneca’s “cave”, and then hiked out.
I decided to stop by the climbing school to ask about the register, and I was met by a familiar looking trail runner, haha. After introductions Rob said I should check back tomorrow and ask for Diane. He asked if we were climbing today. I mentioned we did Candy Corner, just one and done. “Oh, we were on Roy Gap Chimneys watching you!” he exclaimed. We chatted a bit more before Jenny and I headed back to our tent for the impending storm. The rain beat down on us for a good two hours, and the wind was trying its hardest to sweep away our tarp. We survived. After the storm passed a few other campers arrived and pitched tents.
Saturday morning started much like Friday morning: I was again exhausted from lack of sleep. My initial plan for the day was to lead Jenny up Skyline Traverse, then take Conn’s West to the summit, but with the wind still whipping through the valley I didn’t think Jenny would have too much fun hundreds of feet in the air trying to climb without being blown off the rock. So we decided to head to the Lower Slabs for some top rope fun. Before we hiked in, I stopped by the climbing school again and met Diane. We flipped through maybe a dozen registers she had on hand but could only find entries as far back as 1995. So close! I was mildly disappointed, but at the same time I wasn’t even sure if we signed it in the first place, oh well. We still had a chance to achieve our first goal. So back up the North Peak trail we went. I couldn’t remember ever climbing the Lower Slabs before, so this felt new and exciting. We dropped an anchor on Scuttle, a 5.7* crack. The crux is getting off the ground and onto a narrow ledge 10 feet up. The rest of the crack is pleasant with an off-width section near the top. We both send it without issue. I pulled the rope and decided to lead it just for good measure. Jenny cleans the route, but the start gave her much more trouble on the second go. That happens to us often. We broke down Scuttle and moved up the hill to Discrepancy, a 5.8* crack with a superb finger lock. This was a great route, very challenging but doable for us. Jenny had to sit at a couple spots to figure out the sequence but she muscled through it and reached to the top. From the same anchors I wanted to try The Warlock, a 5.9+* face just to the left of Discrepancy. This was a tough route. Very thin and blank at the bottom, but a little more forgiving as you trend up and right towards Discrepancy. I had to sit on it twice to work out the crux. I’d love to return and ‘send it clean, something to look forward to. After The Warlock I wanted to cool down and lead another 5.easy. At the other end of the slabs was Wap Suck #4, a 5.4 “vegetated corner with dead tree”. As the name implies, it sucked. A pretty unremarkable climb, only to be punctuated by an even worse descent. Once at the top we had to traverse back across the slabs to a hardly visible rappel tree. We bushwhacked through thickets, over rotting trees, on top of loose rock and moss. Jenny was probably more gripped than she let on. We reached the rappel and made it down safely to our packs vowing never to return to that debacle. We hiked out and drove back to our tent to find the campground bustling.
Saturday was our last night camping; we had one more day to make it up the South Peak. I’ll admit, I was a bit nervous. Since my climbing hiatus, I’ve only been at it for a year and a half. I still feel like I’m learning and relearning new things with each trip. When it comes to climbing I tend to be a bit pragmatic, cautious, and realistic. I’ll top-rope just about anything, but I only like leading routes I know for sure are well within my abilities. Especially when visiting new areas or crags, I feel much more at ease with someone who’s been there before and ‘knows the ropes’. Furthermore, I’ve only been climbing with diabetes for four months. I haven’t climbed anything more than two pitches or needed to bring up my meter with me for any extended time. Thinking about taking care of all that mess, dialing in my insulin doses, climbing with a pack, and what snacks to pack just consumed my brain. I felt like I was dragging the love of my life into uncharted territory. I stayed up with the flashlight reading and re-reading the guidebook, studying the route descriptions and descents until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
Sunday morning was a little easier to wake up. Jenny and I had coffee and oatmeal again. Since we had to drive home that evening I felt we should skip Skyline Traverse and just hike up the ‘Stair Master’ right to the West Face. In preparation for a long day of climbing, the night before I took only half of my daily insulin. And in preparation for Stair Master I halved my mealtime insulin with breakfast as well. Jenny and I racked up and started in. We passed a bunch of other climbers at the parking area taking their time. We made it up the road, across the stream, and began the arduous Stair Master. As we passed the Ecstasy Buttress we noticed a climber hanging out way up at the first belay ledge. We continued on. To reach Conn’s West you must climb the first pitch of Old Man’s Route, a long traversing 5.3*. Jenny and I arrived at Old Man’s to find a father and son following their climbing instructor to the summit. I chatted with the father for a minute as his boy, age 11, was doggy paddling up the blocky ledges. I told him about my dad and I, it was quite nice. In the mean time Jenny was a little more concerned with staying warm while waiting for the sun to heat up the West Face. As we waited, all my fears and apprehension from the night before vanished. The climbing didn’t look that steep. It didn’t look that high. Didn’t even look that hard! I mean, if this eleven year old could do it…. As the father moved off the first belay ledge it was our turn to climb. We tied in, changed shoes and were off. The first pitch of Old Man’s was pretty straight-forward, easy, ledgy, fun. I belayed Jenny up without issue. From here we were at the bottom of two corners, one on to the left was an off-width/chimney flake/corner and to the right was a crack corner with two trees. Both lead right up to our next belay ledge.
So Conn’s West is a 5.4* and the book describes it as being to the right of a 5.9 off-width corner, Clarke’s Climb. Both these corners looked like fun and doable so I set off past the two trees. The route was decent enough, but about half way up the stances for placing gear were getting a bit awkward. At the next piece my arms were starting to feel it. Then at the next I needed to rest and shake out. I sunk a Metolius #4 cam into a solid diagonal crack on the right side of the corner, called down to Jenny to “Take”, and had a seat. At this point I was thinking this may not be the 5.4 after all. Jenny asked how it was going and I said, “It’s tricky for sure, but the belay is just right up there.” Maybe 6 or 7 feet above me was a little platform then another 8 or 9 feet was the belay ledge. After my arms relinquish I started moving again. Trying to layback the corner wasn’t all that positive but I finally got a right hand up to that 2 by 2 foot platform. My left arm was elbow deep behind a flake in the crack, I smeared my right foot to get a right elbow over the edge, as my left foot slipped. I caught myself but at this point my shoulders were hunched onto this little platform and I couldn’t see my feet. I saw a sharp little horn in the back corner and wrapped my right fingers around it, only for a split sec “Falling!”
Boom, done, over. Before I could even finish “ing!” I was hanging from the end of the rope, fifteen feet below a just moment ago. I looked up. There’s the #4 still in that crack. I looked down. Jenny asked if I was alright. “Yeah. just gimme a minute.” It was a clean fall, I didn’t get flipped, nor did I swing into the rock. I hung there for a moment collecting my thoughts. Well, there’s a first time for everything. I pulled myself back up to the piece using the rope, swapped out the draw for a biner and had Jenny lower me back to the belay ledge. I was completely gripped and my arms were super pumped. I was not about to try that again. Even if I could make it, Jenny would even have more trouble getting through all that mess. I was so shaky I felt like my blood sugar was in the basement. Jenny retrieved my kit and I checked my glucose. 156. I guess good old adrenaline was the culprit. I tethered into the anchor, struggled to untie my eight, pulled the rope out of the cam above, and then tied back in. I told Jenny I was about ready to just rap off and head home. “Really?” she asked. I could hear the surprise and disappointment in her voice. “Lemme look around the corner.” I went back on belay and traversed 10 feet to our left, to the off-width/chimney flake/corner. Right as I got there a helmet popped up at my feet. “Hey there” I said. “I saw you take that whipper” he replied, “You get your piece out?” “No, its still up there for someone more deserving,” I joked. “Ah, don’t be so hard on yourself” We chatted for a minute, Matt confirmed they were on Conn’s West and we were on some 5.7, the name of which he couldn’t recall. Jenny and I waited for Matt and Skip to climb through and we queued up behind them. This pitch was clearly easier, although climbing the chimney with a pack was still quite cumbersome. At the belay, I was going to lower off to retrieve my cam but there was already another party below us and I didn’t want to hold anyone else up. Jenny followed the chimney pitch like a champ. The last pitch was Conn’s West Direct Finish, a 5.5 south facing corner, and the first bit of sunshine we felt all day. A couple spots gave me hesitation but it was a nice climb. Jenny enjoyed the interesting cracks and features. As we reached the last belay,Matt and Skip were all ready to rappel down. Matt said if he were able to ‘King Swing’ over he’d grab my cam for me. I told him I appreciated the gesture but I’d snag it on the way down.
Jenny and I scrambled the last little bits to the summit. It was all of 5.0/5.1 caliber, but I stayed roped up and on belay to keep Jenny at ease. We had the South Peak to ourselves for a bit. We ate a snack, took in the view, snapped some photos, and signed a new entry into the summit register. It was almost 4:30 and I was ready to get going. A few others reached the summit as we departed. We scrambled back to the rappel station and began our decent, three rappels to solid ground. A party below us relayed up that my cam was below waiting for me. At the last station I was happy to see that #4 hanging from the chains.

Insulin and blood glucose meter are only some of the tools we rely on to survive in the mountains. This shiny little marvel of engineering caught Jeffrey’s fall!
Jenny and I reached the bottom, changed shoes and made our way back to the Stair Master. The way down took quite a toll on my knees, but we made it out. Driving back to our campsite we passed a car parked by the restrooms. There was Skip sitting in the passenger seat. I pulled over and the four of us talked for a while. Matt told me how much difficulty Ecstasy, another 5.7, gave him that morning. I mentioned how we saw Skip up there as we hiked in. I thanked them again for retrieving my gear and offered to buy them a round. They declined because of the long drive ahead of them. Jenny vowed to pay it forward. We went on to break down camp, pack the car, and grab a bite to eat at the Front Porch Restaurant. I took another look at the guidebook and there it was, Conn’s West Corner Start, a 5.7 dihedral with two small trees near the base. Not sure how I missed reading that the night before, but oh well. It definitely made the trip a bit more interesting. Jenny and I finished dinner as the sun set. We hopped in the car and headed home thoroughly exhausted.

Boom. This picture says it all-diabetes empowerment and a wonderful climbing experience-what a great message to leave in the summit register.
I’ll admit, my eyes welled up as we drove off. I was just so incredibly happy to share such a fun, exciting, and challenging experience with my love, Jennifer. And to give her a first hand tour to some of my fondest childhood memories. I was so proud and thankful for her patience and positivity. From battling the camp stove, to a torrential downpour, from treacherous bushwhacking, to catching my fall, Jennifer was by my side, encouraging me every step of the way. Without her, that trip would have been a miserable disaster. Thank you, dear, for such an amazing time.
About two days ago, summer arrived in Zion. It had been spring for the allotted week or so that usually falls just between the damp and clammy chills of winter and the scorching summer heat. As it turns out, this transitional time is a pretty opportune chance to put to the test a new piece of clothing! Ibex Wool offered me a shirt and told me to do my worst to it-just to see how it performed (you can see their new, fully interactive e-catalog here).
I have never been one to turn down a good opportunity, and I have always been a huge fan of wool. A few weeks back it was typical “wool weather”- a bit chilly and blustery-but this shirt has really come into its own as the springtime transition occurred and the searing heat arrived. You might think that this would be the time to put wool away for the winter, in favor of lighter, cooler fabrics. Well, you’d be wrong!
During Project 365 I spent a lot of time paring my clothing down to the bare essentials in order to travel light, so I like to think that I know somewhat about minimalism-and I like to avoid taking time away from my climbing and video editing to do laundry (to say nothing about the environmental issues surrounding water usage in the desert). So, having a shirt that I have been able to wear for over two weeks without washing is a good and useful thing. Now, before you recoil in horror, wondering how I can live with myself with such a skewed set of priorities, let me assure you that this shirt smells as good as the day I took it out of the package.
Not that smelling good is always the biggest priority when you are climbing hard or hiking, but it certainly doesn’t hurt when you factor in the following other obvious benefits of the Ibex wool line:
It’s not itchy (a classic wool stereotype) and actually feels super soft and smooth. It’s also not stiflingly hot because it breathes remarkably well while still blocking the suns heat (I won’t pretend to understand how or why this occurs, but I am happy that it works-oh-it’s also burly enough to stand up to all the abuse of climbing (and helping Rob of Zion Jeeps with some of the heavy lifting and engine work). Thin enough to stay cool, tough enough to stay together.
These shirts aren’t cheap to buy-as is the case with most things that are well made. And that may not be a bad thing if you think about it-I can’t necessarily afford to have the biggest and most beautiful car or house-but I figure that if I can have high quality essentials that really affect my ability to climb and take my diabetes adventuring, then I can still have luxury where I depend on it most. Plus…you can sell all your other t-shirts on ebay once you have a couple of these-they’re that good.
*I didn’t get any money to write this review and I wasn’t coerced into sharing my opinion or altering it. I got a shirt and was told to try it out and see what I thought. Wool is where it’s at, and Ibex makes tough stuff. That’s what I thought. Just sayin’. Now I plan to keep wearing this shirt for another several weeks, just to make sure I wasn’t being premature in my assertions here-so you might want to follow us on Facebook and Twitter just to make sure you catch all the diabetes desert fun (read:suffering) as it unfolds!
It’s Friday night and everyone in town is out at Karaoke. Springdale UT is a small town, and most everyone in town knows me as the stick in the mud that can’t be convinced to go out and party. I’m not really worried about being seen as a curmudgeon right now though-I am staring at my Dexcom which has been showing a downward arrow for the last half hour.
110.
98.
87.
74.
We are still southbound and this pain train doesn’t want to slow down. After 14 years I have seen some low numbers. But the feeling of rapidly falling blood glucose levels is unmistakeable. It’s comparable to that feeling you get a split second after you see the cop and realize that you were driving 20 over the limit. Impending doom-only worse because you’re not thinking about money, you’re thinking about the fact that all your friends are out getting s—t-faced and they might come back to find you unconscious. Or worse.
My blood sugar is plummeting and I only took two units of insulin. I wasn’t super active and I didn’t forget to eat. I’m grilling myself trying to think what I did wrong. What did I do to make this happen. I am supposed to be a role model. I should be able to do better.
I begin to think about what I have heard or what I have told people in the past. I try to maintain my grip on panic and avoid gorging. I am determined to take it down to the wire and correct perfectly. I have eaten some “correction carbs” and now I just have to wait for them to hit my bloodstream so my sugar will start to rise. This waiting period is the great divide, the dark before the dawn, the leap of faith. You have eaten what you know you need to correct, but those minutes before it hits your bloodstream and makes you “feel” it-those are the hardest moments for me in relation to my diabetes.
What if I didn’t eat enough? What if my sugar doesn’t come up? What if I’m falling too fast? What if I go unconscious? There are several minutes during the mental grappling match that ensues while you wait-during which you are forced to confront the realization that if you don’t treat this low correctly, you could die. There is the ultimate realization that for all the support that exists in the diabetes community, or from my friends or spouse- I face this battle entirely alone in this moment.
It seems like hours, but the clock on my phone confirms about 10 minutes have passed by the time I begin to feel the “crash” subsiding. I am starting to emerge on the other side of this low, and sharing my experience on Instagram makes me feel better, makes me feel more connected. Knowing that other people are out there with me going through the same thing makes me feel stronger and more confident. I passed through the test, and I am reconnected with the world.
I feel like I have been reborn. I am not a victim of diabetes, and I do not suffer from it. I have just climbed a horrendous runout, and taken the whip. I have faced the fear, and while it felt awful in the moment, confronting that risk has given me more skills to overcome that fear on my next attempt. Diabetes is my training ground for the mountains. It is a privilege to struggle, not a burden.
Many people don’t see the connection between climbing and diabetes. Both are misunderstood. Both are constant risk management. Both have physical and mental implications based on the effectiveness of said risk management. Both force you to confront fear and manage it in moments of serious crisis. Both involve stacking the odds in your favor by leveraging constants against variables.
Hmmm…come to think of it, they don’t have that much in common…