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Paradigm shift

Paradigm shift

I haven’t blogged in a while. Some of you may not have noticed, while still others may be thankful for a vacation from my self indulgent, esoteric ramblings. The reality is that I have been feeling very uninspired. This may sound like heresy coming from a person who voluntarily has very little on their resume besides “tries to inspire others”. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and even guilt-how can I be trying to give others something that I don’t possess myself? Isn’t this hypocrisy?

Seeking some light in dark places with wonderful people, Lee and Alan.

Seeking some light in dark places with wonderful people, Lee and Alan.

I worry about continuing LivingVertical-every day is spent corresponding, reaching out for support, ordering merchandise, working on the documentary, trying to find investors for it, venues that want to screen it…my thought is only to the future which I can’t see-and it looks like all of the work and sacrifice that led me to this point has just been a false start, with no real “legs”.

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Reflections.

As I wallow in worry, frustration and self pity, I realize that in several days, the culmination of two years of blood, sweat and tears will be upon me and that I am at my lowest personal ebb over the last several years, and I have friends and supporters who see a much better person in me than I see when I look in the mirror, converging upon Springdale UT to see what I have been building. I don’t want to disappoint them-but I dig deep within myself and feel empty and hopeless.

This weekend is also the SweetestSummit Diabetes Family Adventure Weekend, my first opportunity to run a guided program for the diabetes community, in my own back yard, in the cliffs and canyons that inspired me to take on Project365. Families begin to arrive and I am sorting out logistics. Who is staying where, what time are we meeting in the morning, what gear do we need, is it ok to bring a DSLR camera out with us, what sort of snacks should we bring, how much water do we need…and on and on. I put out as many fires as I can and go to bed. Tomorrow is Day one of camp and I’ll need to maximize the 4 hours of sleep I can get between now and the alarm.

me and some of the girls, Kaia, Grace and Zoe.

me and some of the girls, Kaia, Grace and Zoe.

Day one goes well in that the kids all become instant friends and are obviously enjoying themselves and the climbing we are doing.

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I am trying to balance fun with technical instruction because we need the kids to be proficient in rappelling so that we can descend a technical slot canyon on the final day of camp. I am learning a great deal about how parents manage their kids diabetes-and I am wondering how I can step into this mix and offer a means to help the parents give more responsibility to their kids-and more freedom.

But what can I possibly have to say to these parents? I don’t have kids-let alone a child with diabetes. I don’t know what it’s like to fret and worry over someone else’s life as it develops around a complicated medical condition. Sure, I have diabetes, but that’s easy to deal with since it’s mine and no one else’s. It’s become second nature to me-but that won’t help anyone else but me.

Day two, we are hiking in the Narrows of the Virgin River in Zion. We are surrounded by looming and magnificent walls of the worlds largest slot canyon and the kids seem impervious to their surroundings-they are just being free, having fun, splashing around in the water without a care in the world.

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I stand back again, watching the parents taking ownership of their kids diabetes, reminding them to test, even testing for them. I want to say something, but I just don’t know what to say or how. Everyone is having a blast-why ruin it? Lets just have some fun and that’ll be that.

Day three, our final day together, I have collected my thoughts and I am ready to issue a challenge to the group. I have found the words and I know that after two days of growth together, we are at a good place to push the envelope. I have seen moments of brilliance and initiative from the kids and I want to find a way to help that grow. I need them to step up and do more for themselves:

We have all had a great deal of fun and enjoyed playing together and seeing some spectacular things that are unique in the natural world. But if we leave this camp with only “fun” to show for our time, then we have missed something really important. We are here to challenge ourselves and our notions of diabetes-and to really explore how it impacts our relationships. Parents: I want you to think about how you can step back and give your kids more freedom and responsibility in their management of diabetes. Kids, I want you to think about how you can take control of your own diabetes rather than relying on your parents.

I can’t tell if I have just ruined the weekend by issuing such a challenge or if I have actually succeeded. Time will tell, so we gather our gear and head out to the trailhead from which we will approach the canyon. As we arrive at the trailhead, I explain that my plan for the day is for our group to separate-Stefanie and I will take the kids via one route while Rob will take the parents via another one. We will meet up later in the day, I assure everyone. Parents look as though I have just given them the news of a sickly relative having just passed away. They knew I was going to ask this of them at some point and that time was now. I want to get moving before the parents change their mind or begin to worry, so I begin packing my gear.

As I am packing, one of the parents, Jason, the same T1 climber who I climbed with on the final day of Project365, takes me aside to speak about his daughter, Kaia, who also has T1. He expresses deep concern and discomfort with the idea of letting Kaia be responsible for her own management, even for several hours, given the fact that we are in a technical environment where a lapse in blood sugar management could have much higher consequences than a school day for example. Jason is an informed customer, with an understanding of the risk factors for diabetes and climbing and rappelling. Part of me feels like I should just say “Ok, fine, lets just put everyone together”.

I know that if I back down, we can still have a fun day out. But I want more than fun for these families. We must push beyond that point of pure fun if we want growth to happen. I weigh my options and I try to assuage Jason’s concerns, point by point. I am surprised that I have reasonable solutions for each point-and I am starting to think that maybe I have more to offer these kids than I had initially thought.

I am watching the struggle play out on Jason’s face as he talks to me. I know it’s not about me. I know he trusts me and thinks I’m competent-but that doesnt make it easier. The struggle is in the heart, not the mind. Letting go is war. In a split second, I see Jason’s demeanor change. He has chosen to step back and give Kaia an opportunity to take control-by relinquishing his own control. I want to start blubbing like a child and give Jason a hug because I just saw him take on a monumental challenge and vanquish it. I am so proud of him.

But I can’t celebrate yet. I have to make sure that I am on top of the kids safety and blood sugar management. We start off down the trail leaving the parents to go their own way. Stefanie and Nick come with us and the children lead us, exploring and planning how they will face the obstacles ahead.

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We stop and check BGs together. The kids share strategies for how they are managing their sugar. Their siblings are along with them and they are answering my questions too-I am beginning to see that there is SO MUCH depth in these kids. Kaia goes out of her way to reassure me that she knows what she is doing-and why-and lists anticipated problems and solutions as we are getting situated near our first rappel.

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As we begin the technical part of our day (ropes, carabiners, harnesses, cliffs etc) I ask Grace, the first camper to descend our first rappel to hook herself up. I don’t remind her of what she learned two days prior. I watch her struggle. I want to give her a chance to problem solve, not steal that victory from her by simply fixing the problem myself. She sorts out her setup like a champ and off she goes.

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In fact, every single one of the kids has their rappelling setups dialed. I don’t even have to remind ONE of them to lock a carabiner or anything, throughout the day.

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Towards the end of the day, when the parents met us at the exit of the canyon, I watch Kaia interacting with Jason. I am still on rappel and I look down at them as they stand together on the ground-Jason wants to help her bolus for her meal but she waves him off and assures him that she has it under control.

We head back to Springdale for the Project365 premier and I am no longer thinking about the edits I have to make before this rough cut can become the final cut. I am not thinking about the fact that I still have no backers to help fund the movie. I don’t care that we had to borrow the gear to make this camp happen or that my apartment is filling up with boxes because I have no place to store the camp gear other than my sofa. I am not worried about whether or not people will like the movie when we show it-I am not concerned about having money to pay rent in the next several months.

Everything in my world changed. I saw the most amazing things happen-people with diabetes finding incredible strength and self reliance in themselves at 8 years old, in high risk environments-being responsible and managing risk and not being limited by diabetes. I saw the parents push themselves in huge ways as they chose to step back and trust us-and their kids.

When we got back to town, the premier was an absolute riot-we packed out Deep Creek Coffee with more people than the owners, Scott and Heidi had seen there previously. Everyone who spoke to me said they loved the movie-many asked then and there to buy a copy. No one seemed to notice that it was just a rough cut. People were really excited and inspired.

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I began to realize that I found my way to this point by following my heart, not by trying to make money. If the companies want to support the movie, then great. If they don’t then I’m not going to worry about that. I know that the message is there-and that the message of changing lives and empowering people with diabetes is the most important thing in my life. I am proud to be scrappy and hungry-and as we reflected on the weekend with our friends Lee and Alan (my former clients when I used to guide for Zion Adventure Company who traveled to Utah from Scotland to be part of the camp weekend and the film premier) it felt amazing to know that this moment was OURS. We did this on our own with grassroots support from people who care-not because we have a big budget. It was pure, it was beautiful and lives were changed-at least one, speaking for myself.

I am infinitely grateful for the support of Stefanie, Nick and Rob who were amazing guides, facilitators and photographers-they gave their time freely, and applied their expertise gladly. Special thanks to Deep Creek Coffee who fed us and hosted the premier-wonderfully, I might add. Zion Adventure Co helped us in many ways in terms of coordinating logistics and gear-specifically Bill “Sweet William” Dunn and Shelley Buckingham who went above and beyond to make sure we had the tools needed to be safe and have fun. Imlay Canyon Gear donated a lot of gear to us that made our adventures possible and that will continue to facilitate future adventures.

To all the parents who came out-thank you-there is no greater gift or compliment than trusting your children to us as guides in technical environments. We are in your debt. To all the friends who came out to see the film and support our work, we thank you and we love you.

Jeffrey Lash: Catching air, crushing diabetes!

Jeffrey Lash: Catching air, crushing diabetes!

I want to thank Jeffrey for sharing yet another trip report and his photos with all of us. I met Jeffrey through our Facebook Page where I learned that he has reconnected to climbing at age 32 after a diagnosis with type 1 diabetes this past fall (Black Friday 2012). I was immediately inspired when he shared his story with me and how his approach to management and adjustment was all about teamwork, positivity and determination to find a way to get after it. I am excited to be able to share this guest post and content from others like us who are living powerfully with diabetes in the vertical world. (Steve)

Jeffrey Lash

“We’re going camping!” I reminded Jenny about every 20 minutes on our four-hour ride. We rarely get a chance to vacation, but after seemingly endless months of grad school, Jenny finally had a well-deserved week off. Our trips never stray too far from the Mid-Atlantic vicinity; family and friends stretch between Norfolk and New York City. However on this vacation we headed to the mountains. Destination: Seneca Rocks, WV.

Seneca Rocks is where I began climbing in 1994 as an awkward high school freshman. My father felt it might be nice to try an outdoorsy, non-team related activity. He enrolled us in an intro to climbing class at Seneca, and we were hooked. My dad, brother, and I would climb every weekend we could for the next four years. Unfortunately, as I moved out, started working, and went to college, the climbing tapered off. The last time I’d been to Seneca was probably fifteen years ago. I was beyond excited to relive those memories and share them with Jennifer; this was already shaping up to be a very special trip.

As a grad student Jenny gets out to climb maybe once every couple months. She’s competent at top roping moderates, but she’s never climbed anything more than 60 or 70 feet. I wanted her to have some multi-pitch experience beforehand, so the week prior we drove out to Harpers Ferry and climbed a few two-pitch routes on Maryland Heights. She seemed quite at ease belaying from ledges and rappelling, so I felt pretty confident having her follow some 5.easies at Seneca.

My goals for the trip were twofold. Firstly, I wanted to lead Jenny to the South Peak summit. My dad and I climbed to the summit in ’94, but we’ve never made it back since. Secondly, I wanted to see if the climbing school still had the summit register from 1994.

I can’t remember if we had even signed it back then, but if we did, Dad would be thrilled to see a picture of our entry. As the trip approached the forecast looked grim. I took that Thursday and Friday off work, but the weather seemed to disapprove. Friday called for thunderstorms and high winds, but that wasn’t going to stop us. I had some backup plans in mind if we were completely washed out.

Day One Hike

Seneca Rocks WV

Thursday morning we set out on our journey and made it to Seneca by late afternoon. Even the drive was nostalgic for me. I could recognize some of the turns and barns and farms along the way. Upon arriving we setup camp, packed a small bag, and hiked up to visit Seneca’s North Peak. The switchback trail is a mile and a half and rises a thousand feet above the town. We scrambled along the top, tried to pick out our tent in the distance, and snacked. I showed Jenny where I first climbed and some of the routes like Streptococcus, a steep 5.9* I don’t think I ever made it up. The sun was hanging low in the sky so we hiked back down. Each time we faced the rocks I quizzed Jenny on the different faces and features. As we neared the end of the trail a shirtless runner passed us on his way up the mountain. Jenny and I snickered and scoffed at his blatant athleticism. We returned to camp and made some dinner and settled in for the night. We had the entire campgrounds to ourselves. It was a nice change from the city; we could look up and see so many more stars.

Friday morning was rough. During the restless night I remembered how much trouble I had sleeping in tents. Jenny and I made coffee and ate breakfast. Since we would be facing poor weather later, I only wanted to get one climb in for the day. I didn’t want to get all caught up in a downpour, so I chose a single pitch route at the South End of Seneca, Candy Corner, a 5.6*. We made the short hike in and crossed paths with another few other climbers on Totem. Totem is where Dad and I were first taught how to lead climb and place protection. I started up Candy Corner and it was fantastic. A couple spots gave me some pause, but I was able to figure out the moves. The climb follows a narrow dihedral and the end of a Skyline Buttress. The first section is a ramp but quickly rises to vertical with a couple bulges. I’m a decent 5.9 climber but that was a tricky for a 5.6. I must not have remembered the grades at Seneca are a bit stiff. Jenny followed up to the belay ledge without any trouble at all. I was impressed and so proud of her. We looked across the road to the Souther Pillar and another party climbing Roy Gap Chimneys. Jenny and I rapped off, packed up, snooped around Seneca’s “cave”, and then hiked out.

Senecas Cave

I decided to stop by the climbing school to ask about the register, and I was met by a familiar looking trail runner, haha. After introductions Rob said I should check back tomorrow and ask for Diane. He asked if we were climbing today. I mentioned we did Candy Corner, just one and done. “Oh, we were on Roy Gap Chimneys watching you!” he exclaimed. We chatted a bit more before Jenny and I headed back to our tent for the impending storm. The rain beat down on us for a good two hours, and the wind was trying its hardest to sweep away our tarp. We survived. After the storm passed a few other campers arrived and pitched tents.

Saturday morning started much like Friday morning: I was again exhausted from lack of sleep. My initial plan for the day was to lead Jenny up Skyline Traverse, then take Conn’s West to the summit, but with the wind still whipping through the valley I didn’t think Jenny would have too much fun hundreds of feet in the air trying to climb without being blown off the rock. So we decided to head to the Lower Slabs for some top rope fun. Before we hiked in, I stopped by the climbing school again and met Diane. We flipped through maybe a dozen registers she had on hand but could only find entries as far back as 1995. So close! I was mildly disappointed, but at the same time I wasn’t even sure if we signed it in the first place, oh well. We still had a chance to achieve our first goal. So back up the North Peak trail we went. I couldn’t remember ever climbing the Lower Slabs before, so this felt new and exciting. We dropped an anchor on Scuttle, a 5.7* crack. The crux is getting off the ground and onto a narrow ledge 10 feet up. The rest of the crack is pleasant with an off-width section near the top. We both send it without issue. I pulled the rope and decided to lead it just for good measure. Jenny cleans the route, but the start gave her much more trouble on the second go. That happens to us often. We broke down Scuttle and moved up the hill to Discrepancy, a 5.8* crack with a superb finger lock. This was a great route, very challenging but doable for us. Jenny had to sit at a couple spots to figure out the sequence but she muscled through it and reached to the top. From the same anchors I wanted to try The Warlock, a 5.9+* face just to the left of Discrepancy. This was a tough route. Very thin and blank at the bottom, but a little more forgiving as you trend up and right towards Discrepancy. I had to sit on it twice to work out the crux. I’d love to return and ‘send it clean, something to look forward to. After The Warlock I wanted to cool down and lead another 5.easy. At the other end of the slabs was Wap Suck #4, a 5.4 “vegetated corner with dead tree”. As the name implies, it sucked. A pretty unremarkable climb, only to be punctuated by an even worse descent. Once at the top we had to traverse back across the slabs to a hardly visible rappel tree. We bushwhacked through thickets, over rotting trees, on top of loose rock and moss. Jenny was probably more gripped than she let on. We reached the rappel and made it down safely to our packs vowing never to return to that debacle. We hiked out and drove back to our tent to find the campground bustling.

Jeffrey climbing “The Warlock” 5.9+

Saturday was our last night camping; we had one more day to make it up the South Peak. I’ll admit, I was a bit nervous. Since my climbing hiatus, I’ve only been at it for a year and a half. I still feel like I’m learning and relearning new things with each trip. When it comes to climbing I tend to be a bit pragmatic, cautious, and realistic. I’ll top-rope just about anything, but I only like leading routes I know for sure are well within my abilities. Especially when visiting new areas or crags, I feel much more at ease with someone who’s been there before and ‘knows the ropes’. Furthermore, I’ve only been climbing with diabetes for four months. I haven’t climbed anything more than two pitches or needed to bring up my meter with me for any extended time. Thinking about taking care of all that mess, dialing in my insulin doses, climbing with a pack, and what snacks to pack just consumed my brain. I felt like I was dragging the love of my life into uncharted territory. I stayed up with the flashlight reading and re-reading the guidebook, studying the route descriptions and descents until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.

Sunday morning was a little easier to wake up. Jenny and I had coffee and oatmeal again. Since we had to drive home that evening I felt we should skip Skyline Traverse and just hike up the ‘Stair Master’ right to the West Face. In preparation for a long day of climbing, the night before I took only half of my daily insulin. And in preparation for Stair Master I halved my mealtime insulin with breakfast as well. Jenny and I racked up and started in. We passed a bunch of other climbers at the parking area taking their time. We made it up the road, across the stream, and began the arduous Stair Master. As we passed the Ecstasy Buttress we noticed a climber hanging out way up at the first belay ledge. We continued on. To reach Conn’s West you must climb the first pitch of Old Man’s Route, a long traversing 5.3*. Jenny and I arrived at Old Man’s to find a father and son following their climbing instructor to the summit. I chatted with the father for a minute as his boy, age 11, was doggy paddling up the blocky ledges. I told him about my dad and I, it was quite nice. In the mean time Jenny was a little more concerned with staying warm while waiting for the sun to heat up the West Face. As we waited, all my fears and apprehension from the night before vanished. The climbing didn’t look that steep. It didn’t look that high. Didn’t even look that hard! I mean, if this eleven year old could do it…. As the father moved off the first belay ledge it was our turn to climb. We tied in, changed shoes and were off. The first pitch of Old Man’s was pretty straight-forward, easy, ledgy, fun. I belayed Jenny up without issue. From here we were at the bottom of two corners, one on to the left was an off-width/chimney flake/corner and to the right was a crack corner with two trees. Both lead right up to our next belay ledge.

So Conn’s West is a 5.4* and the book describes it as being to the right of a 5.9 off-width corner, Clarke’s Climb. Both these corners looked like fun and doable so I set off past the two trees. The route was decent enough, but about half way up the stances for placing gear were getting a bit awkward. At the next piece my arms were starting to feel it. Then at the next I needed to rest and shake out. I sunk a Metolius #4 cam into a solid diagonal crack on the right side of the corner, called down to Jenny to “Take”, and had a seat. At this point I was thinking this may not be the 5.4 after all. Jenny asked how it was going and I said, “It’s tricky for sure, but the belay is just right up there.” Maybe 6 or 7 feet above me was a little platform then another 8 or 9 feet was the belay ledge. After my arms relinquish I started moving again. Trying to layback the corner wasn’t all that positive but I finally got a right hand up to that 2 by 2 foot platform. My left arm was elbow deep behind a flake in the crack, I smeared my right foot to get a right elbow over the edge, as my left foot slipped. I caught myself but at this point my shoulders were hunched onto this little platform and I couldn’t see my feet. I saw a sharp little horn in the back corner and wrapped my right fingers around it, only for a split sec “Falling!”

Boom, done, over. Before I could even finish “ing!” I was hanging from the end of the rope, fifteen feet below a just moment ago. I looked up. There’s the #4 still in that crack. I looked down. Jenny asked if I was alright. “Yeah. just gimme a minute.” It was a clean fall, I didn’t get flipped, nor did I swing into the rock. I hung there for a moment collecting my thoughts. Well, there’s a first time for everything. I pulled myself back up to the piece using the rope, swapped out the draw for a biner and had Jenny lower me back to the belay ledge. I was completely gripped and my arms were super pumped. I was not about to try that again. Even if I could make it, Jenny would even have more trouble getting through all that mess. I was so shaky I felt like my blood sugar was in the basement. Jenny retrieved my kit and I checked my glucose. 156. I guess good old adrenaline was the culprit. I tethered into the anchor, struggled to untie my eight, pulled the rope out of the cam above, and then tied back in. I told Jenny I was about ready to just rap off and head home. “Really?” she asked. I could hear the surprise and disappointment in her voice. “Lemme look around the corner.” I went back on belay and traversed 10 feet to our left, to the off-width/chimney flake/corner. Right as I got there a helmet popped up at my feet. “Hey there” I said. “I saw you take that whipper” he replied, “You get your piece out?” “No, its still up there for someone more deserving,” I joked. “Ah, don’t be so hard on yourself” We chatted for a minute, Matt confirmed they were on Conn’s West and we were on some 5.7, the name of which he couldn’t recall. Jenny and I waited for Matt and Skip to climb through and we queued up behind them. This pitch was clearly easier, although climbing the chimney with a pack was still quite cumbersome. At the belay, I was going to lower off to retrieve my cam but there was already another party below us and I didn’t want to hold anyone else up. Jenny followed the chimney pitch like a champ. The last pitch was Conn’s West Direct Finish, a 5.5 south facing corner, and the first bit of sunshine we felt all day. A couple spots gave me hesitation but it was a nice climb. Jenny enjoyed the interesting cracks and features. As we reached the last belay,Matt and Skip were all ready to rappel down. Matt said if he were able to ‘King Swing’ over he’d grab my cam for me. I told him I appreciated the gesture but I’d snag it on the way down.

Jenny and Jeffrey on the summit-enjoying the win!

Jenny and I scrambled the last little bits to the summit. It was all of 5.0/5.1 caliber, but I stayed roped up and on belay to keep Jenny at ease. We had the South Peak to ourselves for a bit. We ate a snack, took in the view, snapped some photos, and signed a new entry into the summit register. It was almost 4:30 and I was ready to get going. A few others reached the summit as we departed. We scrambled back to the rappel station and began our decent, three rappels to solid ground. A party below us relayed up that my cam was below waiting for me. At the last station I was happy to see that #4 hanging from the chains.

Insulin and blood glucose meter are only some of the tools we rely on to survive in the mountains. This shiny little marvel of engineering caught Jeffrey’s fall!

Jenny and I reached the bottom, changed shoes and made our way back to the Stair Master. The way down took quite a toll on my knees, but we made it out. Driving back to our campsite we passed a car parked by the restrooms. There was Skip sitting in the passenger seat. I pulled over and the four of us talked for a while. Matt told me how much difficulty Ecstasy, another 5.7, gave him that morning. I mentioned how we saw Skip up there as we hiked in. I thanked them again for retrieving my gear and offered to buy them a round. They declined because of the long drive ahead of them. Jenny vowed to pay it forward. We went on to break down camp, pack the car, and grab a bite to eat at the Front Porch Restaurant. I took another look at the guidebook and there it was, Conn’s West Corner Start, a 5.7 dihedral with two small trees near the base. Not sure how I missed reading that the night before, but oh well. It definitely made the trip a bit more interesting. Jenny and I finished dinner as the sun set. We hopped in the car and headed home thoroughly exhausted.

Boom. This picture says it all-diabetes empowerment and a wonderful climbing experience-what a great message to leave in the summit register.

I’ll admit, my eyes welled up as we drove off. I was just so incredibly happy to share such a fun, exciting, and challenging experience with my love, Jennifer. And to give her a first hand tour to some of my fondest childhood memories. I was so proud and thankful for her patience and positivity. From battling the camp stove, to a torrential downpour, from treacherous bushwhacking, to catching my fall, Jennifer was by my side, encouraging me every step of the way. Without her, that trip would have been a miserable disaster. Thank you, dear, for such an amazing time.

What originates on a farm but doesn’t smell like one? (my shirt, for one)

What originates on a farm but doesn’t smell like one? (my shirt, for one)

About two days ago, summer arrived in Zion. It had been spring for the allotted week or so that usually falls just between the damp and clammy chills of winter and the scorching summer heat. As it turns out, this transitional time is a pretty opportune chance to put to the test a new piece of clothing! Ibex Wool offered me a shirt and told me to do my worst to it-just to see how it performed (you can see their new, fully interactive e-catalog here).

I have never been one to turn down a good opportunity, and I have always been a huge fan of wool. A few weeks back it was typical “wool weather”- a bit chilly and blustery-but this shirt has really come into its own as the springtime transition occurred and the searing heat arrived. You might think that this would be the time to put wool away for the winter, in favor of lighter, cooler fabrics. Well, you’d be wrong!

During Project 365 I spent a lot of time paring my clothing down to the bare essentials in order to travel light, so I like to think that I know somewhat about minimalism-and I like to avoid taking time away from my climbing and video editing to do laundry (to say nothing about the environmental issues surrounding water usage in the desert). So, having a shirt that I have been able to wear for over two weeks without washing is a good and useful thing. Now, before you recoil in horror, wondering how I can live with myself with such a skewed set of priorities, let me assure you that this shirt smells as good as the day I took it out of the package.

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Not that smelling good is always the biggest priority when you are climbing hard or hiking, but it certainly doesn’t hurt when you factor in the following other obvious benefits of the Ibex wool line:

  • wicks moisture
  • fast drying
  • organic/biodegradable
  • SUPER durable
  • keeps you cool in the heat

It’s not itchy (a classic wool stereotype) and actually feels super soft and smooth. It’s also not stiflingly hot because it breathes remarkably well while still blocking the suns heat (I won’t pretend to understand how or why this occurs, but I am happy that it works-oh-it’s also burly enough to stand up to all the abuse of climbing (and helping Rob of Zion Jeeps with some of the heavy lifting and engine work). Thin enough to stay cool, tough enough to stay together.

These shirts aren’t cheap to buy-as is the case with most things that are well made. And that may not be a bad thing if you think about it-I can’t necessarily afford to have the biggest and most beautiful car or house-but I figure that if I can have high quality essentials that really affect my ability to climb and take my diabetes adventuring, then I can still have luxury where I depend on it most. Plus…you can sell all your other t-shirts on ebay once you have a couple of these-they’re that good.

*I didn’t get any money to write this review and I wasn’t coerced into sharing my opinion or altering it. I got a shirt and was told to try it out and see what I thought. Wool is where it’s at, and Ibex makes tough stuff. That’s what I thought. Just sayin’. Now I plan to keep wearing this shirt for another several weeks, just to make sure I wasn’t being premature in my assertions here-so you might want to follow us on Facebook and Twitter just to make sure you catch all the diabetes desert fun (read:suffering) as it unfolds!

 

Nothing fancy, just diabetes on a friday night.

Nothing fancy, just diabetes on a friday night.

It’s Friday night and everyone in town is out at Karaoke. Springdale UT is a small town, and most everyone in town knows me as the stick in the mud that can’t be convinced to go out and party. I’m not really worried about being seen as a curmudgeon right now though-I am staring at my Dexcom which has been showing a downward arrow for the last half hour.

110.

98.

87.

74.

We are still southbound and this pain train doesn’t want to slow down. After 14 years I have seen some low numbers. But the feeling of rapidly falling blood glucose levels is unmistakeable. It’s comparable to that feeling you get a split second after you see the cop and realize that you were driving 20 over the limit. Impending doom-only worse because you’re not thinking about money, you’re thinking about the fact that all your friends are out getting s—t-faced and they might come back to find you unconscious. Or worse.

My blood sugar is plummeting and I only took two units of insulin. I wasn’t super active and I didn’t forget to eat. I’m grilling myself trying to think what I did wrong. What did I do to make this happen. I am supposed to be a role model. I should be able to do better.

I begin to think about what I have heard or what I have told people in the past. I try to maintain my grip on panic and avoid gorging. I am determined to take it down to the wire and correct perfectly. I have eaten some “correction carbs” and now I just have to wait for them to hit my bloodstream so my sugar will start to rise. This waiting period is the great divide, the dark before the dawn, the leap of faith. You have eaten what you know you need to correct, but those minutes before it hits your bloodstream and makes you “feel” it-those are the hardest moments for me in relation to my diabetes.

What if I didn’t eat enough? What if my sugar doesn’t come up? What if I’m falling too fast? What if I go unconscious? There are several minutes during the mental grappling match that ensues while you wait-during which you are forced to confront the realization that if you don’t treat this low correctly, you could die. There is the ultimate realization that for all the support that exists in the diabetes community, or from my friends or spouse- I face this battle entirely alone in this moment.

It seems like hours, but the clock on my phone confirms about 10 minutes have passed by the time I begin to feel the “crash” subsiding. I am starting to emerge on the other side of this low, and sharing my experience on Instagram makes me feel better, makes me feel more connected. Knowing that other people are out there with me going through the same thing makes me feel stronger and more confident. I passed through the test, and I am reconnected with the world.

I feel like I have been reborn. I am not a victim of diabetes, and I do not suffer from it. I have just climbed a horrendous runout, and taken the whip. I have faced the fear, and while it felt awful in the moment, confronting that risk has given me more skills to overcome that fear on my next attempt. Diabetes is my training ground for the mountains. It is a privilege to struggle, not a burden.

Many people don’t see the connection between climbing and diabetes. Both are misunderstood. Both are constant risk management. Both have physical and mental implications based on the effectiveness of said risk management. Both force you to confront fear and manage it in moments of serious crisis. Both involve stacking the odds in your favor by leveraging constants against variables.

Hmmm…come to think of it, they don’t have that much in common…

Project 365, still making waves!

Project 365, still making waves!

A short time ago, Duracell created this video below, with our help, to promote the diabetes empowerment message of Project 365. Back in the beginning of the project when Stefanie and I were packing up our lives possessions into the Dragon Wagon, she jokingly said, “Someday you will be in ‘one of those Duracell commercials’”. I laughed it off and didn’t even give it a second thought. Now, a year and a half later, we are reaching more people than we ever thought possible with the message that life with diabetes is still about LIFE! This was a really big step for us and while it has been exciting, it has stirred up a little controversy.

Today I was looking at the video post on Duracell’s Facebook page and found a comment that made me feel like clarifying a few of the salient points surrounding Project 365 that might not be apparent from a 30 second highlight reel. This comment was probably not worth responding to, but Project 365 is my baby. It has been and still IS my life. I do not suffer fools gladly:

“Good for him WHITE MIDDLE UPPER CLASS, can go around the world, enjoying himself, without having to worry about daily survival in a factory, or living in the slum in a war zone, hey MONEY TALKS, and makes more money advertising and being sponsored -easy ride baby!”

I don’t really entertain internet “flame wars” but the person making the comment is correct about my ethnicity and not much else. I have done a lot of soul searching about the opportunities I have had, and I am always conscious of the fact that I have been blessed to have been able to complete the project despite all of the sacrifices it has entailed and the fact that we had no monetary sponsorship in Project 365 from the outset besides what our friends and family contributed because they believed in our idea of diabetes empowerment.

Having said that, my response to the idea that Project 365 has been a cakewalk based on my ethnicity or “economic privilege” followed thusly:

“Not that a person’s color or wealth should matter, but I’m married to a woman who is not white, Stefanie Richert, and I am sure she would be happy to share some stories of the “easy ride” that our life has been, sleeping in rest areas in my car, for months at a time, couch surfing and living in the dirt. Not that I am complaining-we chose that life because we wanted to do what we could, where we were to make a difference about how people with diabetes see themselves and their possibilities in life.

You are accurate in saying that I dont work in a factory or live in a war zone. I am not going to apologize for that fact, but I will say that I have always felt empathy for those who really suffer, and part of my mission is to have enough visibility to be able to bring aid and support to those less fortunate. Its difficult or even impossible to make a difference on another continent if you haven’t started first with what is in your own back yard.

Lastly, not that it should matter, but since you seem to be hung up on the concept of sponsorship, Stefanie and I took on this project without a single sponsor to start, funded by friends and family and by selling all the “stuff” we had that wasn’t integral to climbing. We were living out of her parents basement at the time, married for 4 years. She was bartending and I was a part time teacher.

Im not sure if answering your complaints is useful or if you even care-I know that it is much easier to make snap judgements than to really examine the people you choose to tear down-and that is totally your call. I don’t think I deserve credit or praise for anything I have done. I have been incredibly blessed to have these opportunities and I try to use them as best I can. “

In closing, I am still excited for the visibility that diabetes empowerment is gaining, through ALL of the channels available to us. I can only hope to find more projects and more ways to extend the impact further afield-so if you are out there lurking on this blog post, hating on the fact that I am finally able to put a roof over my head for the first time in my adult life, shoot me an email about a way that together we can do something to help make a bigger difference. It’s usually more effective that way.

Unsuspecting adventure

Unsuspecting adventure

Over the last few weeks I have been slammed with work-which is good because it’s always good to be busy. There are lots of new things coming along between SweetestSummit programs gelling and opportunities for LivingVertical-and of course, the daily grind of editing the documentary from Project 365. I can say without question that the physical challenge of Project 365 (climbing every day plus balancing blood sugar!) was every bit as difficult as making this movie. It is like a complex maze in which you can’t tell just how lost you are until you have wandered around for days-by which point your frame of reference is completely gone!

So this weekend I decided to step away from the computer and spend time with some friends out climbing and adventuring. On friday I headed out with Chris and Rob to climb a lesser traveled route on the east side of Zion called “Led by Sheep”. We all swapped off turns carrying the camera and it felt good to get a few hundred feet off the ground and onto a beautiful summit that feels quite remote!

Rob and Chris on the approach above Petroglyph Canyon

Rob and Chris on the approach above Petroglyph Canyon

More from the approach up the white sandstone

More from the approach up the white sandstone

overlooking petroglyph canyon on the approach.

overlooking petroglyph canyon on the approach.

A quick blood sugar measurement before getting roped up at the base of the route (Photo Chris Mahoney)

A quick blood sugar measurement before getting roped up at the base of the route (Photo: C. Jon Mahoney)

I should mention here that I am always a bit concerned with transitions; going from sitting at a computer predominately for the last few weeks to a weekend of climbing can cause my sensitivity to insulin to shift. This can create unexpected highs or lows which can be very problematic on days like this. But I was pleased to find that my sugar was around 130 when I tested after the approach which was perfect for me-room to go up or down a little without any problem!

Starting up the base of the route to the first pitch, Rob belaying me. (Photo: Chris Mahoney

Starting up the base of the route to the first pitch, Rob belaying me. (Photo: C. Jon Mahoney)

This route was not steep--it felt a lot more like mountaineering than rock climbing. "Rockaneering" is a common term for this sort of climbing where simply pulling hard is not the point (or even possible due to the low angle)

This route was not steep-it felt a lot more like mountaineering than rock climbing. “Rockaneering” is a common term for this sort of climbing where simply pulling hard is not the point (or even possible due to the low angle) (Photo: C. Jon Mahoney)

After clipping the first bolt the "business" started. It was physically quite manageable, but there were some places where bolts were 30 feet apart and falling was not an option.

After clipping the first bolt the “business” started. It was physically quite manageable, but there were some places where bolts were 30 feet apart and falling was not an option. (Photo: C. Jon Mahoney)

I wore my approach shoes for the route and found that they were sufficient--there were some places where it was a bit scary having to make moves in larger shoes, but despite the distance between many of the bolts, there was always a bolt where a hard move demanded protection--so while it WAS in reality runout, it didn't feel like it. (Photo: Chris Mahoney)

I wore my approach shoes for the route and found that they were sufficient-there were some places where it was a bit scary having to make moves in larger shoes, but despite the distance between many of the bolts, there was always a bolt where a hard move demanded protection-so while it WAS in reality runout, it didn’t feel like it. (Photo: C. Jon Mahoney)

It was so fun to just be up high off the ground, not worrying about editing video or getting permits or overhauling websites! (Photo: Chris Mahoney)

It was so fun to just be up high off the ground, not worrying about editing video or getting permits or overhauling websites! (Photo: C. Jon Mahoney)

Just Rob. (Photo: Chris Mahoney)

Just Rob. (Photo: C. Jon Mahoney)

Chris belaying Rob up the final pitch.

Chris belaying Rob up the final pitch.

Chris and Rob taking in the views from the summit of Aries Butte.

Chris and Rob taking in the views from the summit of Aries Butte.

Capturing some sunshine to recharge on the summit--thanks to Goal Zero for the power!

Capturing some sunshine to recharge on the summit-thanks to Goal Zero for the power! (Photo: C. Jon Mahoney)

Rob and I found the summit register and we all added our names to the collection of people who have stood on this summit.

Rob and I found the summit register and we all added our names to the collection of people who have stood on this summit. (Photo: C. Jon Mahoney)

After this adventure I headed out to Las Vegas to pick up my middle-school friend Aaron who I hadn’t seen in over ten years. He and I had reconnected during Project 365 and we had been trying to find an opportunity to get together so he could try out climbing for the first time-Zion style!

Aaron climbing Ashtar Command in Zion National Park.

Aaron climbing Ashtar Command in Zion National Park.

But the “real” adventure this past weekend began after we got done climbing and decided to do some photography. We wanted our last day to be a rest day and we all enjoy taking photos, so we decided to explore areas outside the park proper where there would be fewer people.

Aaron getting a different perspective of the Virgin River

Aaron getting a different perspective of the Virgin River

Driftwood

Driftwood

We drove my car (Honda CRV) up to the Kolob Reservoir which is on the west side of the park and rarely visited, relative to the main canyon. The Kolob area is pretty remote and we decided that it would be fun to follow the dirt roads around the reservoir to get some photos. It looked like the road went all the way around, so we figured we could just circumnavigate the water. The difference in elevation between our current location and Zion canyon was about 4000 feet-and it was properly cold where we were.

We were enjoying just looking at the aquatic birds as we drove next to the water without a care in the world. Until we came to a point where the road was washed out. Chris got out and ran ahead, testing the depth of the water and scouting a line that I could drive through this “obstacle”. He guided me through the first washout without a great deal of difficulty. On the other side I felt relieved to have made it through-until we drove around the next corner to find another similar obstacle that was even muddier, wetter and right at the edge of the lake.

We repeated the procedure from the first obstacle-and the subsequent disappointment of realizing that we were not “in the clear” several times over. By this point we started to realize that our assumption that “the road will get better and we can just drive on around” was getting less realistic. And the last several muddy, rutted sections of the road were so risky that going back was getting to be less and less feasible of an option.

IMG 2556 from Living Vertical on Vimeo.

It looked like the road went all the way around from the other side. It should go. One more section of steep mud, rocks and roots.

I tried not to think about what would happen if we got stuck out here. There was no cell service and no one around. Oh-and then the gas light came on. And then it started to rain, which would make the mud even more difficult to navigate. After narrowly passing our seventh obstacle, Chris got out to walk the next bit of the road—and came back with great news: “The road dead ends here-there’s a barbed wire fence and no way to get around it”.

We had to find a way to turn the car around on a mangled dirt road and then reverse our course through a minefield of mud, rocks and exposed tree roots-which were bordered by the edge of the reservoir, which loomed on one side, threatening to punish any error in driving.

How do I get myself into these situations? It looked passable. What if…

I had expended my daily quota of adrenaline. I was pretty sure I was about to be stranded in a very inopportune place with my friends who had just wanted a fun afternoon of shooting photos…If the terrain didn’t get us, surely the gas would run out-or vice versa. So I asked Chris to take a shot at reversing our course and rescuing us. Off road driving isnt my strong point. I was totally out of my element and I was starting to freak out. I can be comfortable on the side of a cliff, hundreds of feet up, but this situation was simply too far outside my comfort zone.

Fear is a very relative thing. Many people assume from my love for climbing that I don’t have fear or that I have conquered it to the point that I can just do any old thing without too much effort. This is far from the truth, and I was gripped for the entirety of this “adventure”. Fortunately, Chris was able to take over and put his USMC off road driving training to good use…and he made the reversal look really easy. We were soon out of the dirt and mud and back on the pavement where we were able to coast on “E” down 15 miles to the nearest gas station.

It always an adventure out here-but its great being able to share those adventures with friends. I pushed my limits outside of where I was comfortable. My horizon got just a little bit bigger this weekend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

D-Family Adventure Weekend 2013 and Project365 film premiere!

D-Family Adventure Weekend 2013 and Project365 film premiere!

Juggling is a new skill set for me. Editing the documentary for hours a day while working out permits and camp logistics for this summers SweetestSummit D-Family Adventure Weekend while we are getting websites overhauled, and trying to grow the outreach of SweetestSummit-and attending community events like the JDRF Hope and Health event in Orange Cty CA! Climbing has taken a backseat for now-although that is a temporary adjustment necessary to get things up and running.

And while “up and running” may be an ongoing process for some time, it is coming along. There are five spots that can be spoken for and reserved before we actually being the registration process. Many of the salient points are in the image below-and further questions are always welcome!

Join us!

Also, if you look closely, you will notice that Sunday July 28th WILL BE THE PREMIER OF THE PROJECT365 DOCUMENTARY!!!! Our goal was to share the first finished viewing of the documentary with the families attending the first adventure weekend we are running-and to share the results of that first program with those of you who are able to make it to Springdale UT to attend the premiere! Mark your calendars, it’s going to be a great weekend!

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